Love is a drug - eddie munson x reader

Part 8

Warnings: self harm, slight suicide mentions, trauma.

And just as I thought things were getting better, they weren't. All of a sudden I just keep getting flashbacks, flashbacks to what I thought I left in the past. Everywhere I go, it's following me and haunting me. It's like im re-living my trauma. All I can see is the blood, her lying on the floor barley awake, and that thing wrapped around her neck. I just couldn't stop thinking about it. About how it was all my fault. I'd failed her, and I have to live with that for however long this will last.

-

I emerged up from the nightmare, panting and feeling tears form in my eyes. I looked at the clock which read 3:46am. I felt myself get out of bed and glide out my room, into the bathroom. I looked inside the cupboard and hiding at the back, behind all the bottles was a blade. I held it in my hand, which were still sweaty from the nightmare I just had, and examined it for a few minutes.

Not blinking or even moving an eye away from the blade, I slowly walked to the sink and pulled my sleeve. I couldn't stop myself. It was like I was being possessed, I couldn't control myself. There was no turning back now.

I stared at the white lines that I carved into my flesh and thought about how long I've been clean for. Is it really worth it? I found the right spot on the centre of my wrist and before I could react, the sharp edge slowly but quickly glided across my skin. I didn't show any emotion. I just stood there, staring at the blood which started forming then slowly dripping down my wrist. That's it, I've relapsed. A couple of blood drops dropped on sink and that's when I remembered, how much comfort and relief I felt.

-

I was walking towards my next class just as I felt the cut from earlier itch against my skin. I let out a violet hiss and grabbed my arm, putting it across my chest. Eddie was just about to walk past me until I whispered, "meet me in the woods." I continued to walk forwards but he just stood there frozen for a few seconds until he walked somewhere else, out of sight.

I sat down on a bench in Eddie's 'dealing' spot with cash already in my hand. My leg was shaking underneath the table, I felt extremely lost right now.

"So what's all of this about?" Eddie walked towards me with his metal box. I didn't answer him. I didn't answer him, I just looked down, a bit embarrassed as he sat down opposite me. Eddie noticed the cash in my hand, slowly nodding. "You want some drugs?" he said awkwardly. I nodded.

He opened up the metal box which revealed bags of drugs. Now that makes sense why he's always walking around with it. "So uh which ones where you thinking?" his fingers trailed along the different bags.

"Uhm could I have something, strong. Like very strong." His eyes widened in surprise.

"Wow what's the occasion?" he chuckled and skimmed through all the drugs. He pulled out a bag and held it in front of me. "This one is pretty strong, one of the strongest I've got actually."

I nodded and held the cash out in front of him. "Y/n it's fine you don't have to pay for it." he used his other hand to slightly push the money away.

"Well I want to, please. It's a drug deal and you deserve the money."

"No or your not getting it. I thought we were closer then that y/n."

"Ugh fine." I took away most of the cash and held 6.50 in front of him. "Please Eddie cmon."

"Fine fine." He took the cash and I took the bag, both of us quickly stuffing it away. We sat there in a few minutes, arms crossed and silent.

"Y/n are you okay?" I looked up at him and he looked exhausted, just like me. I shrugged in response and say there, not moving.

"Look if you want me to leave you alone now or if you're angry at me for something then I'll just leave." he started to get up.

"No no! It's not that I don't want you to go it just...." he sat back down and looked at me concerned. "Do you ever feel like...your lost and there's not escape, like your stuck in a labrinth?" I looked up, ashamed and embarrassed.

"Well uh yeah, pretty much." He tried to crack a smile. Then it was silent, again.

"Hey y/n how can I make you happy again? We haven't talked much for a while and you've been really down lately."

"I don't know Eddie. I'm really sorry, Ive just been feeling a bit rough lately."

He nodded, "same here." Then as you guessed, more dramatic silence.

"I've got it! How about I take you out on a proper date this time. We can go to lovers lake, tonight." I looked up at him and smiled, which I hadn't done in a long time.

"Eddie I'd- love to." I smiled.

"Great!" he jumped up and started walking towards a tree. "Soo uh I'll pick you up at 7 and make sure to tell Steve that your going to a friend's house before you get into a fight again." I laughed hard in response. "Oh yeah, how has Steve been ever since?"

"Meh he's been alright I guess. When I went home he apologised for being so strict and stuff and we've made up. He didn't really talk to me much at first but we're getting there."

Me and Eddie were talking there for about 15 minutes until he was about to walk away.

"Uhm Eddie where are you going? You can't just leave me here," I glared at him, my smile fading.

He turned back towards me, "Sorry y/n but I can't stay in this wood for the rest of this time. I'm going to store then fuck knows where."

I scoffed, "well I'm coming with you!" I jumped up, slinging my bag on to my shoulder and rushed past him. I heard him chuckle from behind, completely forgetting the jungle inside my head. I didn't need drugs to cure my problems, I needed Eddie.