The Adventures of Megumi and Toji

Family History

Toji and Megumi were at DD's Discounts.

"Do you like this shirt Megumi?" He said while holding the piece of clothing out to Megumi.

"Dad that's a dress."

"Really?!"

"No shit, it's got flowers on it and it's pink!"

Toji shrugged. "Doesn't mean you can't wear it but whatever."

"I'm just more of a t-shirt person."

"I guess I should've known that. It's so difficult to keep up with all this information you know?"

"Not really but I'm not shocked. You can't remember shit except where your weapons are and what the easiest stores to rob are."

"That's true, I might hit up a store tonight, GTA style. Just shoot the clerk and take the money."

"Don't get yourself caught again. That judge Nanami said he didn't wanna see your ass again for awhile."

"So should I just break in after it's closed?" Toji said with his finger on his chin, pondering how he should go about this.

"I'm not going to give you advice on how to do crime. Keep me out of this."

"Pfft whatever. Anyways, you can get whatever clothes you want, Amari gave us money."

Megumi pointed to himself. "Me. She gave ME money, not you."

"Same thing."

"I don't really want anything. My wardrobe is simple. Amari's on the other hand...she wears all kinds of things."

Toji looked up while he was in deep thought. "I sure do wonder what she wears.."

"......"

"What?" Toji asked.

"I'm gonna punch you."

"What? You're like 3 foot 7! What could a little dude like you do to me?"

*Time Skip*

"So how'd you get that black eye Toji?"

"Shut up Gojo." Toji sneered at him.

"Honestly, I've lost count of how many times you've been injured."

"Yea, I'm use to it at this point. Life of crime you know?"

"So you do all these things but you let your little son punch you?"

"What did you expect me to do? Punch him back? I'd break something! Or go to jail for physically assaulting a minor....again."

"Have you ever thought of going to a counselor?" Gojo asked him.

"Yes, we ended up fucking."

"Was it a dude or a woman?"

"....Why does that matter?"

"Just wondering if you got bent over. You seem like the dude to enjoy pegging."

"GOJO! IF I WASN'T ON PROBATION I WOULD SO PUMMEL YOU RIGHT NOW!"

"That's exactly why I'll say whatever I want to during these next few weeks."

"You fucking bastard."

"Hehehehe. Anyways, today is my day to spend with Megumi."

"You never spend time with him though."

"Of course I do! I see him like every week."

"How many days are in a week to you?"

"Like 20."

"That explains why you only visit like twice a month. Dumbass." Toji muttered.

"How am I a dumbass?! Didn't you drop out of high school bro? Your family kicked you out because you didn't have the smarts that the other members had."

"But guess whose still alive?" He pointed to himself. "This dude right here! Maki let me live I guess."

Gojo turned to Megumi. "I swear you have the craziest family Megumi."

The boy shrugged and furrowed his eyebrows. "I mean Maki may be crazy but she had good reason to kill everyone. I don't miss any of my other family really. They deserved it for trying to keep her from getting promoted at her job. Now Aunt Maki is on the run, I haven't seen her in awhile."

"Yea she came to me after everything happened so only I know where she is. Naoya is looking for her too, he somehow escaped from her grasp." Gojo said.

"Where is Noaya?" Megumi asked.

"He's in jail, tried to set fire to an "All Woman's" gym cuz "women need to be at home and kept looking "feminine" because her looks are all she's worth" I hate men like him. I would PAY for him to be kept in jail for life but they won't let me." Gojo said as he rolled his eyes.

"I swear I have the worst family on the planet. Where's Mai?"

"I'm not sure Megumi. Last time I saw her she was with Maki. I haven't thought to ask about her."

"You see, I liked Mai until she locked me in a room with Todo bcuz I said her hair reminded me of that one character from Veggie tales that was a broccoli. Todo threw me around for a few minutes. I mean it was BAD and then my dogs came in through an open window and put him in the hospital for a month. Priceless."

"I knew getting you those dogs would work out for you in the end." Toji said with a smirk on his face.

"I remember the time you forgot to let them out in the morning and they left loads of dog shit all over your house. I had to buy you a new cardboard house from the post office. It was free actually." Gojo said.

"Well when I get enough money working at the arcade I can finally have enough to pay rent."

"Yea, all $5.00 of it." Gojo snickered.

"You shouldn't be one to talk, at least I make an effort to take care of my son. You have all this money and let him live in a place like this."

"Huh? What was that? My bad, I was on the phone with Riko."

"SHE'S DEAD!!"

"YEA?! YOU KILLED HER!"

"IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!!"

"HOW DO YOU GET HER MIXED UP WITH HER AUNT?!"

"THEY WERE THE SAME HEIGHT!" Toji yelled back.

"What the frick is going on!?" Megumi chimed in.

"Your daddy here killed a young girl mistaking her for her aunt that he had sex with a month before." Gojo said pointing at Toji.

"HER AUNT GAVE ME SPHYLLIS! AND SHE DIDN'T TELL ME SHE HAD IT AND SHE KNEW THE WHOLE TIME! THE ENTIRETY OF MY GIRTH WAS LITERALLY ON FIRE!" Toji screamed out at Gojo.

"YOUR DICK IS NOTHING COMPARED TO MINE STOP YIPPITY YAPPING!"

"YALL FORGET THERE'S A CHILD IN THIS ROOM?!!" Megumi said to both of his dads.

Gojo grabbed Megumi's hand. "HE IS RIGHT! WE ARE LEAVING NOW! C'mon Leguminous!"

Megumi sighed. "It's Megumi!!"

"Yea! That!"

They both left the house.

"Wait? His name is actually Megumi? I thought it was a nickname or sum. My bad." Toji then got up and went to go put on his uniform to work at the arcade.