You Are Not a Monster

Feed The Machine

"Turn around, they might be watching
And you never disappoint them
Hide your innocence before they see right through
You mustn't disappoint them

You need the danger just to feel your heart beat
You need to die just to find your identity
You need the knife just to know that you can bleed
You need the pain now just to feel anything

We fall in line
We live the lie
Give up, give up and feed the machine
It grows inside
Nowhere to hide
Give up, give up and feed the machine
Give up, give up and feed the machine

They pull you faster, the cadence calling
And you never fall behind
So choose a face you're only crawling now
You mustn't fall behind

You need another death just to have a life to save
You need a master just so you can beg
You need a light just because you're so afraid
Now bow and learn to be a good slave"

Though he couldn't move, his eyes seemed to be glued shut, and his speech was slurred, Bucky still had full cognitive function. So that meant he knew exactly what they were going to do.

There has to be a way to fight it...there has to be a way to escape. I can't let them take my memories. Not again.

Bucky wanted to scream, wanted to fight the guards dragging him closer and closer to what was equivalent to death. He didn't want to be a weapon again.

But no matter how much he tried to move, his limbs wouldn't cooperate.

Suddenly, they stopped dragging him.

"Strap him in. He can't move right now, but he'll be able to soon." He heard the doctor say. There wasn't a vocal reply from the guards, but Bucky felt himself being lifted into a chair. The familiar hum of the Machine seemed to drown out everything else.

I can't do this again, I can't kill Sam and Steve! They're the only ones I have left.

Bucky's heart thudded in his chest and his breathing quickened. A monitor beside him beeped erratically to match his heartbeat. He hadn't even noticed it being hooked up to him.

"I thought you said he was sedated." One of the guards asked.

"I said it was equivalent to sedation. He's just been given a paralytic. He can hear and feel everything around him, but he can't move." The woman replied. Her voice was like nails on a chalkboard to Bucky- he couldn't stand it anymore.

"Why not just use a sedative?"

"Because, believe it or not, it's easier to reverse this. And, because I wanted our dear Bucky to know exactly what was happening. It's no fun if he just wakes up changed and doesn't even suffer through the trauma of it. It's like giving death to someone who deserves much worse." The doctor said. Bucky thought it was sick, and was mentally calling her every word in the book. He imagined Steve scolding him for his language.

"It will be wearing off within minutes, so if you could take a few steps back, I'll begin the wiping process."

Bucky's pulse quickened even more than it already was when the Machine began humming to life.

"I told you to obey me, Soldier. Now you have no choice. I will make sure your little friends are killed by nightfall, and their death will be at your own hands." The woman whispered into Bucky's ear before backing away and starting the process.

Electricity crackled as the panels began lowering into place on Bucky's head.

James Barnes, Sergeant, US Army, 32557038. James Barnes, Sergeant, US Army, 32557038. James Barnes, Sergeant, US Army, 32557038.