Strawberries & Cigarettes || Chwe Hansol

Eight

Date: September 2nd 2019

A few months have passed by and I've seen Luna here and there everyone in a while. She kept avoiding me which I expected but somehow it was hurtful. As everyday passed by she looked happier and happier as I was getting worse and worse.

I didn't know if I should try to make things better or just stay quiet but Joshua's words kept hitting my mind unexpectedly. It was hard moving on, it was harder than I thought. I never in a million years thought that develop such deep feelings for someone like her, someone who wasn't my type at all but suddenly made me fall for her deeply.

I made my way towards her but she went the other way when she felt like I was walking her way. I stopped and didn't follow her. I just stood there like a fool. I wished that I was able to change my decision, I wished that I was able to make her think about me in a different way.

I didn't know her worth when I had her trust me, I was stupid for breaking the trust she had for me. I never thought she would mean this much to me after she left me. I was supposed to move on but I just couldn't. I just couldn't let her slip through my fingers and let her go but that was exactly what was happening, she was slipping through my fingertips a little bit by little bit without my consent.

I never knew that loving her made me a different person and happy. I tried to cope without her but it wasn't that easy. I kept acting like I was moving on but I really wasn't, I was just convinving myself so. As foolish as it sounds I ran after her, I didn't care if I got embarrassed again I just needed to get things off of my chest. "Luna! Wait!" I yelled as I ran after her. She stopped and turned around. She looked at me and was waiting for me to say something.

"I'm hoping that you'll be able to hear me out. I'm not gonna deny it and I admit it, it was all a dare but deep down I wanted to believe that. I really was interested in you before the dare but was embarrassed when you rejected me. For the past two months I thought I'd be better off without you but I was wrong. After losing you and not seeing you everyday I knew that I lost someone important in my life. I'll do anything to gain the trust you had towards me, I'll make you change your mind." I pleaded. "Save it, I'll never change my mind." She said sadly, I could tell she was hurt.

"Both of us have been suffering, I know it's my fault but I'm hurt too. We have to forgive each other and find a way to end this pain. I can't go anywhere without thinking about you." I said as if those words would make anything better. "We aren't the same and we'll never be the same because I'd never treat anyone as bad as you treated me. You're the reason why I hate this place and this neighborhood because every corner my eyes lay on I'd remember how you deceived me making me look like a fool in front of your friends just so you won't hurt your ego.

Even after you hurt me I never talked crap about you in front of anyone or made you look like a jerk. I never told anyone about what you did to me or how you hurt me deeply. I'll always be better than you, I'm not going to make you go through what you made me go through even if I had the chance." I tried walking towards her but she shook her head and took a step back. Tears were about to spill out of my eyes but I tried to act strong as she hurt me with her words.

"I really fell for you and I admit it. I know it's embarrassing to say that but it's true. Even seeing you in front of me on the verge of crying breaks me but I'd rather be in pain than get back with you. I'll never forgive you for hurting me deeply. I can't even put in words or express the pain I'm feeling right now." She said trying her best not to cry but failed before the last sentence.

"I'm not like you, we're not the same. I might be cold and sometimes mean but I would never humiliate anyone especially in front of anyone." I could see the pain in her eyes. It made me hate myself and broke me. "I would never deceive anyone. I would never make a fool out of anyone making them trust me then it turns out that everything was just a lie." She continued to make me hate myself even more. I took a step forward but she took two steps back in return.

"I really mean what I'm about to say. I know what I did was horrible but I swear that everything I did wasn't a lie. I truly fell for you but I tried to convince myself at first that I didn't but I was wrong I was already head over heels for you." I pleaded. I tried to make her face me but she kept avoiding eye contact with me so I grabbed her cheeks with the both of my palms and made her face me.

She looked into my eyes as she was on the verge of crying which made my heart ache. "You thought of me as a joke just to prove to your friends that you could make me fall for you and that i'm easy. I was just a dare to you at first." "I can make things better. Just give me a chance and I'll prove it to you." I begged her. She pushed my hands away and said "I never what to see you again. If you ever see me just go the other way. Just act like we're strangers and don't know each other because I'll hate you even more if you come my way." She said and I could tell she was very hurt by what I've done to her. She turned around and I didn't follow her. I just couldn't make her despite me even more. I backed away and let her leave. I never had the chance to make her mine.

The End.