My Leading Man | Timothée Chalamet

chapter twenty-six

I felt like my heart was going to leap out of my chest. As I sat on the bus, I had to keep wiping my palms off on my cutoff shorts and brushing my hair out of my face, breathing in slow, shaky breaths.

I didn't know how I was going to do this.

Just about twelve hours ago, I thought continuing this film was the right answer. That it was the key to my happiness, or something stupid like that. And now I had to go and direct my best friend who hates me, and the man I'm in love with who couldn't care less for me.

I must have a death wish.

All jokes aside, I really wasn't sure how I was going to get through the day. And considering Timothée still hadn't messaged me back, I was beginning to wonder if he'd even show up. Truth be told, I hoped he wouldn't. It'd give me a free pass to leave and not have to face the painful results of my stupid actions and feelings.

I sighed and looked out the window, watching the businesses fly by. I'd grown accustomed to the sadness and hole within me; I just wasn't sure how well I'd cope with seeing him again. I didn't want to think about it, but the only other thing to think about that was big enough to distract me was Syd, and that was equally unpleasant.

Suddenly the bus driver called out the name of the street for the day's filming location, and I drew in one final shaky breath, squared my shoulders, and decided the best I could do, the best way to carry on, was fake it till I made it and be the best director I could be. I would push away all my internal struggles, and just focus on the task at hand.

Feeling slightly more comfortable with my immediate future, I strode off the bus and onto the green grass of the park. We were shooting on the street next to the park, so we stationed all of our stuff in the shade under the huge boxelder trees right outside the playground.

I felt Syd's stare before I saw it. I couldn't decipher it; if it was more contempt, sadness, or maybe something else, but I could feel the weight of it. When I met her eyes, though, she turned away, acting like she never saw me. I swallowed hard and forced a smile on my face, finding Ava.

I walked up next to her and when she saw me, she turned around and instantly hugged me. "I'm so glad you decided to stay," she whispered in my ear, and I felt like tears were going to pour out of me for the thousandth time that week. It was exactly what I needed to hear. Even though things were rocky (at best) with Syd and Timothée, it was comforting to know someone still wanted me here.

I bit my tongue, forcing my tears away, and stepped away from her. I thanked her then for calling me and earning all the money, and after going over the filming schedule with Olli, I knew I needed to make an announcement.

"Hey, if I could have everyone's attention..." I began. The crew quieted. "I wanted to thank you all for earning the money to finish production of For Lies and Loyalty. At a time when I wasn't able to do it myself-" just then Timothée stepped out from behind a tree, walking a few steps forward. His eyes met mine and his face was serious; unreadable. His dark hair was messy and he looked tired, though still horrifically beautiful. My heart lurched into my throat and I heard my voice break. I looked away and focused on everyone else. "You all stepped up. And I'm very grateful." I smiled the most sincere smile I'd done in days. "Now let's finish this thing!" Everyone cheered and I walked away towards Melanie and Eve to go over the day's plan and I shook out my hands, willing myself to remain cool and confident.

After discussing with them I felt Timothée come up next to me. I risked a glance up and there he was, walking beside me. Looking at me. I stopped walking and looked up at him, and with great effort, I smiled. "Do you have any questions about today's filming?"