My Leading Man | Timothée Chalamet

chapter twenty-seven

"I-"

"First of all, you know Timothée was right, don't you. It's not safe at all to take an L.A. bus alone at night; especially looking like that." She looked pointedly at my dress.

I covered myself and stared determinedly out the window.

"Second, what the heck is going on between you guys?"

I opened and closed my mouth to speak, but I had no idea what to say; and I wasn't convinced Syd was the best person to be talking about this with. I couldn't really even believe we were talking about it.

"Ugh, just tell me," she insisted. "I'm not going to leave until you do. And I'm over it, honest... it  was a long time ago I was just kind of sensitive about it." She added quietly, and I decided she was owed some kind of an explanation.

"Well, long story short, we kissed last week." Her eyes widened and I continued. "And then..."

"He was in New York..." she filled in, leaving the rest unsaid.

I sighed, sinking lower in my seat. "Yeah." I fiddled with the end of my damp dress. "I'm just ready to leave him behind and go home."

I felt Syd continuing to watch me, but she said nothing. She started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. "Well, he follows you around like a puppy-"

"No he doesn't-"

"He does." Her voice held finality. I bit my cheek and looked out the window again.

We drove in silence for a few minutes when she blurt out, "Why didn't you tell me?" I looked at her in confusion. "Why didn't you tell me you liked him? You acted like you were just friends and you encouraged me to go after him. Why? What was the purpose in that?"

I bit my tongue, not knowing how to respond. Looking back, I wasn't entirely sure why I did that, either. "I guess- I didn't want to take any potential happiness away from you- both of you. If you liked him, then it wasn't fair of me to steamroll your feelings."

"Yeah, but in the process I steamrolled yours. Violet, when are you going to realize your feelings are just as important as everyone else's?"

I chewed on my lip, not knowing how to respond to that. I hadn't ever really considered that I was discounting my own emotions.

We had stopped at a red light and she played with her hair, looking out the window. "I'm sorry Vi. About how I acted Friday. And lying... it was stupid."

I gave her a small but genuine smile. "It's alright."

Syd turned on a song then and soon we were at Dayna's. I stepped out and attempted an  apologetic smile. "Sorry your seat's all wet now."

She laughed. "It's okay. See you later? In New York?"

I smiled. "Yeah."

-

Thursday I tried to sleep in, but my body woke up automatically at eight when it used to. I placed my hands behind my head and thought over everything that happened yesterday. It was a weird day, to say the least.

I normally hated all kinds of fighting and confrontation, but Timothée brought out some weird side of me - my highest highs and lowest lows. I didn't like it. But last night; he was just so controlling. I'd never seen that side of him. A deep part of my mind itched to tell me he was trying to protect you. But that didn't make any sense.

He clearly liked - maybe even loved - Florence Pugh more, and left me in the dust. So why would he suddenly care about me swimming in the ocean at night? About taking a bus home?