Take A Slice

Life repeats

TW FOR DRUG USE AND RAPE

"Knight are you ok? You've been more distant lately."

...

Stupid dreams and shit. Making me feeling horrible. I want to forget this mess, not dream about it. I took a sip of the glass of water that I took from the kitchen. Geez I feel like I'm going to puke. What kind of dream...

I go upstairs and head to the bathroom.

Then I puked my guts out. Well not literally, but I wish I would. Just so I get the gross feelings out. I should brush my teeth or something, just get my taste of stomach acid out.

I slowly opened the medicine cabinet and looked around in it. Sleeping medicine, anxiety medicine, cough medication, razor, razor blade, pain medicine, toothpaste and my toothbrush.

I grabbed my toothbrush and toothpaste before I paused. I looked out at the painkillers again. Memory's flooded back into my head, one's that I suppressed for years. I remember being a teenager, albeit a rebellious, pain in my mothers side teenager and hanging out with a friend I barely remember now. Ironic since he was a major part of my life as a teen. He introduced me to the a lot of wrong things. Alcohol and drugs more mainly since I was addicted to painkillers and I think he was a alcoholic. And if he wasn't, then he sure drank a lot of wine. But more importantly I had an addiction to painkillers since he introduced me to them. I remember taking painkillers when the stress of living in poverty got bad. Selfish of me, but that's in the past. I don't take them anymore, at least. I've been clean for years, I think seven or eight years I think, but that was because my life was getting better. I had more opportunities and I had to sacrifice my addiction for it. So why remember all this now, after so long. Maybe I'm just stressed out again.

Shameful, why do I have this bottle anymore. I should just throw it out. I take the bottle and almost threw it out. Almost. I couldn't get myself to do so. I thought I was over this, why am I so... It doesn't matter, I put the bottle back into the medicine cabinet. Then I brushed my teeth.

I headed downstairs to see Madeleine and Dragon's Tail watching TV on my couch. He noticed me come down and gave me a smile. Not the usual I'm-smiling-because-I-want-to smile or even the I'm-smiling-to-make-myself-the-center-in-this-room-better smile, but the I-feel-bad-for-you-so-I'm-giving-you-a-pity-smile-to-try-to-comfort-you smile. Then he patted a place next to him on the couch.

I sat down and started to pet Dragon's Tail who was sleeping on Madeleine's lap. I guess Madeleine was the favorite since he never did that with me. To be fair, I'm barely home. I look over at Madeleine, who was texting someone. Probably his boyfriend, Espresso. I don't know how I feel about Espresso yet, but I guess he is nice enough. I started to watch TV again.

"Knight?" I turned to to Madeleine, who was watching TV. "I want to know, are you going to celebrate this year? Or will you skip it again."

"What?"

"You birthday. Are you going to celebrate or will you skip it like last year." Oh. Right. I forgot about my birthday. It's in less than a week now. 25 years old. Huh.

"I dunno. Maybe." Probably not if I'm being honest.

"You should have a party! You had so much fun last time." WRONG. Fucking wrong. I didn't have any fun in my birthday. That only reason I do birthday parties is because everyone else likes them. Last birthday party I almost made everyone leave early, but I would disappoint everyone so I didn't.

"Ehh. I dunno. I want one, but maybe a bit smaller."

"Why not? It your birthday, it's all about you!"