Fruitless - Lashton

IV

IV

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"What about him?" Luke's colleague asked, pointing over at a man sat at the bar alone.

Luke looked over at Briony and rolled his eyes. He took a sip of his cocktail and peered over at the man. He thought he was attractive but what did that really mean? Luke thought a lot of the men he looked at were attractive but he never felt anything more than that.

"Oh come on Luke! There's going to be no men left soon if you keep turning them all down!" She complained, pushing his shoulder playfully. "I want to see you happy and in love!"

"I am happy!" he said, giving her a big grin. "I don't need someone else to make me happy. Besides I'm still getting into the swing of working and I don't need a man getting in the way!"

Briony pouted and peered around the bar to find any more victims to hook Luke up with. Luke continued to sip and his cocktail and stare at the table.

Briony was one of the only colleagues that he got along with. She was a little older than him. He thirty-five and she forty-six. She had been lecturing at the university for nearly ten years and had mentored him for a little while. She had helped him move into his office and stuck up his pride flag on his pinboard. Luke had asked if it were acceptable and she told him that the students would love it.

She had a child and a husband but told Luke that every Friday she went out for drinks and that he was now coming with her. She specialised in feminist and post-colonial literature so Luke knew who was in charge in her house. Luke didn't complain. He never had a drinking partner before and it sounded like fun. That was until Briony realised that he was single — and had been for a long time — and wanted to see him in love.

They would talk about Luke's past and her past. Her present and his present. And then her future, but mainly his future. As Briony often said she was married and getting old, she barely had a future. Her future was the next day where she would wake up hungover and having to take her child to a birthday party. Luke's future was a lot more exciting to her. He had a whole relationship to come.

Luke didn't tell Briony that it wasn't that simple. Yes, he could go on a date and maybe kiss them, but he didn't feel like he could give them much more. It was why he was single. He couldn't see how there was anyone out there who could accommodate this life. And Luke knew that Briony wasn't searching for his future husband, she was searching for his one-night stand — and it often made Luke feel sick.

Luke peered at his phone. The last train back to his street was in twenty minutes. He sipped his drink quicker, knowing it was going to mess with his head. "I'm gonna have to go in a minute."

Briony laughed and finished up her own drink. "A sensible idea!" she said. She reached over a touched Luke's hand. "Maybe we'll find someone next week—"

Luke shook his head and slipped his coat on. "I'm fine alone Briony, really! And who needs a relationship when I've got you!"

She smiled at him sadly, watching him get up. Briony didn't know much about her colleague's past love life. He'd never mentioned anyone. Never talked about his awkward teenage relationships or university hookups. She didn't know if that silence meant they didn't end well or there was nothing to talk about because he never had them. "Don't forget the meeting on Monday!" she called after him, as he went to leave the pub.

The cool autumn air was harsh against Luke's skin. He threw up his hood and steadily made his way to the train station. Every time he left the pub he felt more alone than ever. He always told Briony he didn't want anyone, but oh boy did he! He wanted nothing more than to wake up next to someone, cuddle them and then have breakfast together. They would both go off to their jobs and return in the evening to read together. And at around ten they would cuddle up in bed together and start the routine all over. During the weekends this may change. They could go on walks or to a museum. Luke didn't really mind, as long as he was not alone. 

Every Friday — every time he took the train home alone — he sat with a book on his lap and stared out of the window. He pictured his perfect relationship. He had to picture it because he knew it would never happen. He knew there was no one out there with the same ideal relationship as him. Or maybe there was but he couldn't see much of their paths colliding. They were not going to compromise for his ideal, he knew he was going to have to comprise for them. So what was there to do but to be alone and imagine what it would be like to have a relationship?

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