THERE WAS NOTHING LEFT [A.L]

LETTER 6

Dear Julio,

Merry Christmas !

This year's Christmas has a bittersweet taste. Mom has been crying all morning but she's still trying to hide it from me. Dad told me she has a hard time grieving. Don't we all ? But apparently me not showing my emotions says that I already grieved... people imma right ?

My therapist told me everyone view death differently and that we all grieve in different ways.

She told me I have a very cold and distant perspective of death. She thinks I'm not afraid of it - which is true - but also that not expressing my sadness will make my grief longer. Well, I guess my grief will be longer then.

The Leclercs have been very distant. I know they are grieving as well and that it has been very difficult for Enzo and Charles. Dad also told me they were still offended that I didn't cry at your funerals.

Mom thinks I'm heartless and emotionless. That it's my fault Enzo and Charles don't want to see me anymore and that I'm losing Arthur. She says I'm gonna end up alone in my life.

Finally, I'm not planning on racing again. I miss it for sure but I think it will be too hard on everyone, especially mom and dad. It's sad because I already designed a tribute helmet in your honour.

Advienne que pourra.

I miss you

Loulou