- lila sydney's pov // (19)
- july 7th 2022 | lil peep - i crash, u crash w/ lil tracy
books are littered everywhere around her room but it still looks clean and put together. it always does.
lots of things have changed. but her tidiness has not.
i watch as aaliyah laughs to herself as she enters the room, bella happily following after her. bella loves lily more than me which stings a bit, but i've come to except it.
aaliyah takes a seat next to me, getting comfortable on the pallet of blankets layering on top of her mattress. she has a bowl of pretzels and a glass bottle of orange soda.
she hands me the soda and i take it with a smile, signing 'thank you'.
she nods. "you're welcome,"
i reach for the bottle opener lying on the floor and start to open the bottle, trying to focus my eyes on the tv at the same time. we're watching geek charming. it's one of lily's favorite movies. she really likes disney channel movies.
not the new ones though, the old ones. she doesn't think the new ones are good.
bella walks out the room as soon as i manage to get the bottle open. minutes after, she's trudging back into the room carrying aaliyah's black sweater between her teeth.
i sit the bottle down once she drops the sweater to the floor. i pick it up. i bought aaliyah this but she doesn't wear it often, not as much as she used to anyway.
i lay the sweater in front of lily and she looks down at for awhile. "remember when i bought you this?" i sign, already knowing the answer.
aaliyah looks at the sweater for a few more seconds before shaking her head slowly. "i don't.." she signs.
i smile weakly in reassurance. "that's fine,"
she doesn't remember lots of things since the accident at school. we used to be really close but we're not as close anymore, and it's my fault. aaliyah barely remembered my name when she woke up after the accident and because of that, i don't wanna seem pushy. i try to keep my distance.
i know it's slowly ruining our friendship. i wish i had the courage to save it.
we were awkward friends at first so the time we spent together was the base of our relationship. a lot of memories made us 'us' and she doesn't remember half of them.
not the day we went to the spring festival together, not the day we adopted bella from the shelter, not the first time she introduced me to her 'husband' lil peep by placing my hand on top of her dad's car hood so i could feel the vibrations of the music, and not even our first kiss.
before the accident we were about to get into an actual relationship and i know i should've put time aside to talk about it, but i was upset about my grandpa being sick so i shut her out for a few hours. then she fell and i arrived at the hospital, and all of a sudden she didn't know me.
it's my fault, really. i should've made time for her. i shouldn't have been so selfish.
i just needed a minute. i didn't know it would change anything and i'm so sorry it did.
i fell a tap on my shoulder and when i turn around she gives me a small smile. "are you okay?"
i nod.
she studies my face for a moment. "do you wanna look through pictures again? that makes you happy, right?"
i roll my eyes playfully. "i was never sad." that's kind of a lie. "but i'd love to look at pictures."
