- cinira 'nyiah' brooks' pov | chapter twenty-seven (27)
- august 22nd 2022 | lil peep - veins
trees and trees, that's all i see for 1 hour of the long, 5 hour drive, the uber drives.
we on our way to a camp aaliyah probably at and we been driving for a long time. the uber girl been quiet, but i like that. i like bitches- i mean, girls, who don't ask questions.
i like quiet rides; don't like loud ones.
this ride gon' lead me to aaliyah.
i think; i hope.
when i get in front of aaliyah, i'm just gon' say how i feel. i'ma tell her how bad i missed her, tell her sorry i am.
i been practicing my head in my head and i think i'ma do good.
before i stopped liking teachers, i remember my 8th grade english one told me i should always speak from the heart when being apologetic. i didn't take her advice then 'cause at that time she was tryna make me apologize for pushing somebody and i wasn't tryna hear none of that shit.
now though, i'm gonna be apologetic. i hope it's enough.
it's a possibility it won't be though. aaliyah could hate me now. she could yell at me, talk about me.
she could hate me.. i won't ever get over life if she hates me, if she wouldn't wanna hang out.
i blink, suddenly shaking my head;
it's a lil pathetic attempt at shakin' away all the bad shit i'm thinkin' that could happen.
aaliyah could say a lot of things, but her tellin' me she don't wanna be around me, could be the worst thing she could ever say. i did so much to get the point of us talkin' and being friendly, i can't just let her go;
i don't know what i'm gonna do if she goes, but i know i can't let her so easily. i did so much, and i care so much, and it wouldn't be logical to let her slip away.
we're friends; friends don't let people slip away. they do everything they can for they friendship.
like, me and aaliyah? i'd do anything for our friendship.
that's just how much i care. i care so much.
so, fuckin' much.
"so fuckin' much.." i mumble out all soft under my breath, my hand finding it way up under my hood, my fingers wrapping around pieces of my hair, starting to pull.
i keep pulling as my head rest on the window. the driver lady keeps driving, and i can't remember exactly when we pull up to the camp, but we do, and the lady looks back at me. "hey, uh, we're here.." she mutters softly. her top row of teeth bite on her bottom lip a lil before she say sum' else. "um, is.. is your hair okay? i saw you pulling at it-"
i smile even though i ain't happy as i tug open the door. "mm, i'm good. you drive safe."
i get out and slam the door before she say anything else. i walk off and walk onto the camp grass field, lookin' around a lil.
you can tell the stuff around here cost money but all this shit out here mostly grass and cabins so ion really know.
after a lotta walkin', i stay put 'cause i don't know what to do now. she might not even be here, i'm just wandering.
my heart start beating real fast and it feel like i gotta cry for no reason right now.
maybe i should just go home, i wanna go home.
i can't cry here, i can't be here. she don't want me. if she did, she would've called.
i tighten my fist, my nails digging into the white part of my hand as i start walkin' off.
"ay- ay, wait! girl right there?! a-are you lost?" a voice calls after me. i stop walkin' and turn around a lil, seein' some girl following up behind me. she smile weakly, holding up her hand, when i look at her. "um, hi. my bad for screaming. just wanted to make sure you were getting where you needed to go."
