My Best Mistake (UNDER EDITING)

Chapter 4 - Crow's POV

On the drive back to Nessa's, I couldn't help but think one selfish thought. This would've never happened if she was with me. I know that's terrible to say, and I'm not blaming her at all. I just can't help but think about how things could've been different. I want her to feel the same way I do, but I'm not going to force it.

"Crow?"

"I'm sorry. Did you say something?"

"I was just asking if you were alright."

"I should be asking you that, Nessie. Don't worry about me."

"I'm fine," she says in a higher pitched voice.

"Don't lie to me, Nessie," I say sternly.

Nessa takes a deep breath and lets out a prolonged sigh. I can't tell if she hates when I act like that or not. I hope she doesn't. It would crush me to find out she hates my dominant side.

"Derek cheated on me," she says, tears brimming her eyes again.

I quickly walk around the counter to her. I hug her small frame and rub her back. It took everything in me not to walk out and hunt him down. Nessie is the best thing that's ever happened to him. He thinks he can just cheat and get away with it?

"Crow, I can't breathe," Nessie's straining voice breaks me from my thoughts.

"Shit, sorry," I say as I quickly let her go.

"It's okay. I know you're angry. You have every right to be. I just feel so stupid. Everybody warned me and I didn't listen. You warned me the most," she trails off, looking down at the floor.

"Nessie, look at me," I say in a soft yet dominant tone.

She slowly lifts her head to look at me. Her gorgeous gray eyes meet my brown ones. I stare at them for a moment before stealing a glance at her soft, pink lips.

"I don't blame you. None of this is your fault, okay? I want you to know that. Derek's an idiot who never realized what he had."

I look into her tear filled eyes, probably for a moment too long. She just looks so pretty. I'd make sure a tear never stains that beautiful face again. She deserves to be happy. Whether it be with me or somebody else, I just want to see her smile. A true smile.

"He's coming to pick up his stuff tomorrow," Nessie says with a sniffle.

"I'd burn it," I say, crossing my arms.

"I can't just burn his stuff. I'm not that type of person."

"I know, that's why I said 'I'd burn it'."

"Crow, don't. I just want to keep it peaceful until this whole thing is over with and I never have to see his fucking stupid face again."

"Do you want me to be here?"

"Would you mind? If I don't have somebody here, I'd probably take him back in a heartbeat. I'm so stupid," she sighs, looking down at her feet.

"You're not stupid, Nessie. You'd do anything for the person you love. I'd do the same thing."

"How would you know? You've never been in love like I have."

My heart stopped at that very moment. I could feel the heat rise in my chest as that sentence left her mouth. I wish I could tell her. I want to tell her, but not now. I wouldn't do that to her in this vulnerable state.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have. . ."

"It's alright, Nessa. I know you didn't mean it."

An awkward silence fills the room. I wish it didn't have to be this way. I wish I told her before she started dating Derek. Things would be different. She wouldn't have to live alone or hide her true self. She wouldn't have to deal with a shitty sex-life either.

"I'm gonna go home. Call me if you need anything, Nessie. I'm here for you."

"Okay, I will. Thanks for being such a great friend, Crow."

There's that word. That soul crushing word. Friend.

"Of course, anytime," I say as I walk out the door.

I drive back to my apartment. A deep sigh comes out of my mouth as I hang my jacket on the coat rack. Why am I such a coward? Why can't I just tell Nessie how I truly feel? I know we'd both be worried about ruining the friendship, but I can't see myself with anybody but her.

I don't know how much longer I can take this. I love being her friend, but it hurts me every day that I go home as just her friend. I want to be able to fall asleep with her in my arms, kiss those beautiful lips, and treat her like the princess she is. She deserves all the love in the world and it fucking pains me that I can't give that to her.

She's always been my number one. My first choice above all else. Yes, I've settled for one-night-stands, but I always end up thinking about Nessie. I gave up on trying to move on from her a while ago. The only thing my heart wants is her. I feel like it's killing me and she has no idea.

Knowing me, I'll probably end up waiting and waiting. Watching her get her heart broken over and over again. I'll probably end up waiting so long that she'll be married and have kids by the time I actually grow the balls to tell her. I don't know why I can't just say it! Hey, Nessie, I know we've been friends since we were toddlers, but I'm in love with you and I have been for years. Yeah, right. I can't say that!

God, I'm an idiot. I know she doesn't feel the same way. I should just learn to live with it. I have for this long, what's 70 more years? I can only hope that Nessie feels the same way I do. Maybe she does and is too scared to tell me, just like I'm too scared to tell her. Yeah, in my dreams.