Criminal

LXXII

SIXTY TWO: A WAY TO COPE

What is the feeling of losing someone you love?

It's either they're living in a world where they think they're still alive. Or maybe it's the fact that they want to forget them, but in the end they end up miserable because of them.

But who can you really blame? Them, the world, or yourself?

It's easy to hate yourself. You loathe yourself because you weren't there for them, you're angry at yourself and you keep asking the world why...

...why her?

Why does she have to die? Why does she need to die? Why? Why? Why?

Why did she die? We even almost fought each other.

"Today we are now in the presence of the Lord as we now welcome Kim Namhee into His arms...," the pastor said, and Yoongi looks into the blank picture of Namhee, smiling down at him as if she never died.

"Namjoon, we're sorry. You must've been hurt by Namhee's death the most, knowing you two were there for each other," Jihoon said softly, and Namjoon stayed silent.

"Why weren't you there in the hospital?" Namjoon asked softly, it was the first time he spoke days after Namhee died.

"She was fucking assassinated. And you... you and the others weren't even there when you said you will get there," Namjoon said as he clenched his fists.

"We were going to go to the hospital as soon as we got your call. But... we also had to help Jungkook. We were at the beach waiting, and we were fooling around... then Jungkook... Jungkook was shoved into the deep water... and he almost drowned, Namjoon. We're not making excuses... we could've been there, we just couldn't make it early at that day," Jihoon replied as he looked down at the floor.

"That's an excuse, Jihoon. If you were there... if all of you... were there.... Namhee... Namhee wouldn't... have..," Namjoon said as tears welled up in his eyes.

"We were always there during all the times when she was happy. I was there for her, Yoongi was there for her... but why did she... and just like that," Namjoon said.

"We cared for Namhee too, Namjoon. But... we don't to risk anymore accidents. We always sticked with each other and we were always there for each other... and we will always be with Namhee too, even if she's gone," Jihoon said and Namjoon slowly stood up.

"No.... you weren't there for her when she died too. Why do you keep saying you'll be there for her when you weren't during this time? What is the nerve of you to say you care for her when you didn't go to her?" Namjoon yelled, and Jihoon flinched as Jungkook slowly placed his hand on his shoulder.

"Namhee... she would be the person who would always put you guys first before her... but you... you didn't...!" Namjoon said as he choked on his words, and Yoongi sighed as he stood up.

"Take a breather, Namjoon. You're not in the right mind-"

"Yoongi, and you... stop taking their side! You loved her, you understood her more than anything and you'd do this?!" Namjoon said as he looked at them.

Yoongi's eyes were red, and there were tear stains on his cheeks. But he couldn't grieve in peace when his friends are also currently in bad terms.

"I... I don't want to spend time with you guys... for a while," Namjoon said as he stormed out of the room, leaving the other boys in silence.

"Namjoon! I..," Jihoon said and Yoongi stopped him, shaking his head.

"Namjoon needs some time alone. He feels like this because he knew Namhee the most... it's best if we leave himself to his thoughts," Yoongi said softly, and Jihoon sighed.