FIVE YEARS AGO
SHORT CHAPTER
MATURE - DESCRIPTIVE SUICIDE.
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I messed up.
I messed up my relationship with Alexandra because of my selfish needs, because of my anger. I felt dirt and showered for five hours straight, wanting to get his hands of my body all night.
But no matter how hard I tried, I felt more dirty than clean.
Morning came quicker than I expected.
I stood by my balcony, waiting for Alexandra to come down.
I know she had class in an hour, normally I would take her, but we are not on speaking levels.
Once I see her rushing down the steps, I catch up with her. Our eyes lock, regret, sadness and anger ran through my eyes. I could see the disgust in hers. As if I did not feel dirty already.
"Ali!"
"Do you feel better?" She questions me, stopping in her tracks.
I look around, noticing others walking by, "what?"
"Do you feel better, now that you made me feel insecure? Is that not what you wanted? To put me down."
What have I done?
I would never want Alexandra to feel insecure, never in my life. I give her a shake of my head as the tears begin falling from my eyes. I was secretly exhausted, depressed and in need of a hug...of help. She continues walking towards the bus stop, and I run after her even though pain in my abdomen hit me.
"No! Not at all Ali, please...I was drunk! I needed you and you weren't there."
I was not drunk.
I was raped.
But I had to tell her something.
"Let us not go there Cathy, you weren't there for anything when I needed you. And do you know why? Because you are a self-absorbed, self-centred, and selfish human. You only care about what involves you, nothing else. And until you learn that the world does not revolve around you, then come to me and apologise. But warning, I will never forgive you."
It felt as if someone plunged their hands into my skin, grabbed my heart and pulled it out.
She hopped on the bus and left me in my thoughts.
Because you are a self-absorbed, self-centred, and selfish human.
Don't cry...you have no right to cry.
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