Matilda

three

It's been two days. Two days since I saw Harry and Jeffrey, two days since I decided to take the job, and two days since I got the contracts.

I didn't sign them yet, I didn't even read them.

I'm still scared that I made the wrong decision, that it's too big for me. I mean touring for several months is not so easily done. I'm so weak mentally, I know that. And I know my boundaries and I know what happens when I overstep those boundaries.

I avoid it with everything I have.

But then again I remind myself of all the times I was unsure if it'd be too much, and in the end, it wasn't and I experienced so many incredible things. It ended well.

I felt so bad and embarrassed that I declined Harry's offer, I mean who am I to say no to Harry Styles?
He was kind and I didn't even feel uncomfortable like I normally do, so why the hell did I say no?!

But maybe I should just read the contracts at first, hopefully, it'll ease my mind.

I get up from the couch and walk in the hallway towards the side table with all the keys on and stuff, where I left the contracts two days ago when I came home.

I take them and go back into the living room, sitting down on the couch again. Then I start reading.

The first part is basically about all the things I'm allowed to do and not to do, my duties in general. It says that I must be around Harry and the band whenever they need me or want specific pictures taken. All the pictures I take and select have to be edited and sent straight to Harry and his management. They decide which one to post on his social media accounts and which ones are used for PR and press. I am not allowed to carry out any private information so you could say that I'm liable to professional discretion.

The next part describes the overall schedule of the tour. The tour starts on 5th September in Las Vegas, the last show is on 29th November in Long Island. Those contracts are only for the US leg of the tour, so maybe when I'm doing a good job he'll hire me for the other legs as well. But one step at a time. Most of the shows are two or three days apart so after the show we travel overnight to the next city and spend two days there. First is show day and on the second day, we all have some free time to see the city and all. I've never been to America, or out of England at all, so I guess it will be quite exciting.

I don't have to pay for the hotel stay and also my equipment will be replaced if something happens. But all that personal stuff, sightseeing, food, shopping I'm gonna have to pay myself. But maybe I can afford all those things I always wanted to do with the money I earn from this job.

The rest of the contract is about all that typical legal formality and data privacy, important but boring.

After one and a half hours of reading through the contracts, I reach the last page there's one big black line for me to sign onto. I stare at the line as if it starts talking to me any second, telling me what to do.

I mean how do I decide? Like genuinely, once I sign this, there's no going back. And I hate myself for making such a big deal out of it like everyone else would take the job without a single thought. Maybe I'm just different, I always was.

I was always told that I'm never gonna make it, that I'm the mistake. Maybe it's time for me to prove to them that I indeed made it. I live, I do what I love most and now I have the opportunity of my life, so why not take it?

I grab the pen from the table and sign.

I stare at my signature on the line, surprisingly feeling relief wash over me. I'll do this. I'll just do this, without thinking about it.