wandering ghost || k. baji

one

note ; book is written in baji's pov

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months have gone by since the day of my passing, adoringly watching them from afar as they held their head down, it's the same as usual, watching them walk alone with their head down wants me to just jump back alive. i can't stand the sight, it almost felt like torture.

i wonder what they felt after the news of my death, did they feel the same thing? or not, although to be painfully honest, i am quite selfish myself but when it comes to them i can't even put myself first.

i want them to have a wonderful life, i want them to be happy..even if that means i won't be the one who'll be happy with them. i'll always be grateful for every single day we spent, all those memories engraved to me till me last breath, i love them too much it hurts to let go.

do they love me that much too? i haven't asked them that, i want to ask them that, but i know i can't because i am merely just a lovers soul watching over them. i followed them to their destination, kinda creepy right? i used to do that when i was still alive and pumping blood vessels, they would ignore my presence everytime but will acknowledge it after their annoyance, i would laugh at them as they would repeatedly "scold" me.. oh what a fun life i've had.

i want to see them smile, i want to hear them laugh again, i wonder when will that day happen, seeing them become happy with the person they will fall in love with once again, a person that isn't me.

please let it be soon y/n, please be happy soon i can't stand the sight of them unhappy it pains me more than leaving you, even if that means the person you'll be happy with is not me please be happy .... move on y/n .

imagine being bold enough to say that to your breathing significant other when you on the other hand hasn't even moved on yet, haha couldn't be me of course, definitely.

they safely arrived at their destination, i watched as they slowly stepped in the premises of the location, the park where we shared our first kiss, luckily it wasn't the last because im flirty hehe, i watched them walk to the swing sitting in one of the seats as they pushed their feet. their head was still low it seems to it they're messaging someone, i wondered who could it be, could it be their new lover? i feel betrayed *traitor by olivia rodrigo starts playing*

i watched as the swinging stopped, they looked up sighing softly mumbling words as tears started flowing down their cheeks, i went closer to them, attempting to listen to their mumbles, "baji you idiot" i stopped halfway smiling to myself as they wiped their tears, i should be the one wiping those y/n, im sorry.

they continued to mumble words as i stared at them
"i hate you"
"no wait i love you"
"no you left me,i hate you"
"but..okay fuck it i hate-love you baji keisuke, now come back"
"i miss you..i fucking miss you"
"what will the purpose of my existence be, when the other part of me is missing"

those words coming out from their mouth made me want to hate myself
"what will the purpose of my existence be, when the other part of me is missing"
ironically the words lingered to my ears, oh my love one day you'll find someone to fill the other part of you, one day you'll find someone who's able to keep and make you happy, one day you'll find someone to love and who'll love you as i did.. and i know.. that's not me.