Stay [a danisnotonfire fanfiction]

The little Skype icon flashes for the third time in the corner of my laptop screen. For the third time, I ignore it. I continue scrolling through twitter with a heavy heart and an empty mind. I don't want to think right now, and this site is the perfect distraction.

The blue icon flashes again, and I roll my eyes. Yes, it may seem like a pointless and immature gesture but I don't want to talk to anyone right now. Especially Max. I know what he's going to say.

It's mid-november, the rain is hammering against the window of my Manchester apartment, the heating is broken, and the only friend I've ever had is half way across the world. Again.

I imagine him running through streets and jumping in puddles, just like he and I used to do here.

I'm pulled out of my memories by the familiar Skype call box in the middle of my screen.

I stare at it for a few seconds, as if that will make it disappear. But of course, it doesn't.

Reluctantly, I press the 'accept' button and pull my duvet closer around me. It's blue and green checkered, and the warmest thing I own.

Max's adorable little face appears on the screen, a little pixelated and jumpy.

"Hi!" he exclaims, forced enthusiasm etched into his features. His messy brown hair is slightly curly and pushed to one side of his face, the way I love it. But I barely notice it through my fake smile as I return the greeting.

Max's face falls gently into a sad smile. The kind of sad smile you can't help, when you know something you can't stop is going to happen, no matter how much you wish it wouldn't.

And I know what that something is.

"Max. I... I miss you so fucking much." I choke, avoiding looking at the computer screen.

"Envy I don't want you to hurt anymore." he whispers, "its been so long since we last sat and just talked. I still won't be back for another six months, and I don't want you to have to sit around and wait for me. I can see how it hurts you, and it hurts me too. So, so much."

I nod silently, and play with the hem of Max's shirt.

"Bittersweet, huh." I say, almost trying to lighten the mood, but knowing neither of our facial expressions changed or even faltered.

I look up, still avoiding the computer screen. I stare anywhere but, eventually settling for the ceiling. My head rests on the back of the couch and my eyes trace patterns in the stupid wallpaper somebody put up there.

"Envy," Max says quietly, "Envy look at me."

"What good will that do, Max? It's not going to change anything. You and I are still going to leave this conversation having lost everything we ever had together. You've got the band, I've got university, and our relationship is failing like this internet connection. I love you Max, I do. But..." I trail off, not wanting to finish my sentence.

"I think this has to be the end," we say, our words overlapping. I chuckle quietly, voice thick with tears.

"I'm gonna miss that." Max smiles sadly, eyes becoming tired and heavy.

"Me too. Our weird little telepathic connections - great minds think alike, right?"

"Forget 'great', we're fabulous!" Max winks, making the corners of my mouth curve upwards a little.

I feel my eyes prickle with tears and they threaten to fall, but I blink them back.

"Oi, Maximillian! We've gotta go for the m&g!" I hear someone shout in the background, and Chris appears behind Max on the screen.

"Hi Envy!" He grins.

I give him a small smile and a wave, before he turns and walks out of the room.

"Give me a few minutes, Christopher?" Max calls after him, trying to keep his cool but not managing to hide the break in his voice.

"Sure thing, honey-bunch" Chris says quietly, trying to lighten the obviously tense situation.

Max turns back to me, brown eyes glistening.

"I guess this is it, then." We say, words overlapping perfectly once again.

"I guess it is." I mumble, knowing that if I speak any louder the tears will spill.

"Love you, Envy." He whispers.

"Love you too, Max."

One last tiny smile and a wave, and he's gone.

"I always will." I choke.

_________________________________

Sunlight begins to fall across the city, casting deep shadows and painting the sky beautiful colours.

My expression remains the same - empty. The tears cascade silently as they have done all night, and my eyes sting like nothing I've ever felt. But it is masked by the numbing ache in my chest.

I spent the whole of the night staring emotionlessly across the city through the window of my apartment, unable to do anything else. Max's last few words stuck on replay around my head, his little sad smile etched into my mind.

I half wish that stupid blue Skype icon would flash in the corner of my screen and Max would apologise and tell me he missed me too much and he's coming right back to Manchester to see me. But the other half knows that even if that little blue cloud did appear on the screen, I would ignore it. Just like always.

I spend the next few hours laying motionless on the couch, staring into the empty space in the middle of the room. My eyes are heavy and last nights make up has dried in dark lines across my cheeks.

I lay still for a few more minutes, watching the sun rise, until it begins to burn and I have to turn away.

I somehow manage to pull myself off the couch and drag myself to the bathroom, splashing my face with ice cold water from the tap. Keeping a firm grip on the basin I lift my head and stare bluntly into the mirror, watching the way water forms in small droplets at the end of my nose and eventually falls, plummeting into the depths of the plughole.

I drag my fingers through my tangled black hair and pull off Max's faded red shirt, throwing it into the bottom of the hamper to be left and forgotten.