Hero [gxg]

At the break of dawn she is gone...The wind has carried her away

{s} High school was an experience. An interesting one for sure. I saw Julia in a more sporadic manner as she was a part of AP, student council, as well as the soccer captain from sophomore year on. I still enjoyed the times we hungout but Julia wasn't as energetic as she was in middle school. I just chalked it up to growing up as I had changed as well. I was still shy but, I didn't mind talking now. I even had a small friend group by junior year.

Junior year was the most "interesting" and it all started on a cold winter day. I had gotten home 30 minutes ago and was already bundled up in my Hello Kitty blanket, laying on my bed.

I took my left hand out of my blanket bundle. Me and Julia hung out on the bleachers today since her practice was canceled. We talked about dreams and what we wanted to do after senior year. It was a nice convo and one that I needed as I honestly hadn't really thought hard about it until then. I knew I wanted to do something art related but I never had a plan. The convo helped me figure stuff out and I felt like I learned a lot about Julia.

The part that I remember vividly and will probably always remember was on the way to my bus stop. We were walking and feeling nostalgic all of sudden, I grabbed her hand like that day we got ice cream in middle school.

She looked at our hands and said "Oh...Can we not today? Sorry I just don't feel like it."

"Sure! Sure." I exclaimed dropping her hand swiftly,

"Sorry for not asking first..." I murmured while rubbing my arm.

"It's ok"

I looked at her and she gave me a wry smile.

I had grown during high school. Sophomore Year especially, so now she was only three or four inches taller.

"Let's get you home hmm?" Julia said, tilting her head a little.

"Sure, let's go." I said fast and we walked the rest of the way in silence.

I buried my face in my bed remembering what had happened. I wanted to scream.

Fuck! I should've just asked! Why did it get so awkward? Why didn't I just ask!

Well Julia seems to like spontaneity so I thought maybe she would like me more if I took her hand spontaneously.

Why did I want to hold her hand so bad anyway? It was going so smoothly before that.

Well...I actually don't know. It was just a feeling? No, it was a desire. Something I had wanted to do for a while. Something I had even dreamed about.

I turned so I was laying on my left side. Yeah sometimes I dream of Julia. We would hold hands whenever we were together and hangout at cute cafes and malls instead of the bleachers and the cafeteria. And sometimes she would come over and we would kiss on my bed...but not just a little peck on cheek but full on making out. Tongue and everything. And then she'd look at me with her deep, dark brown eyes for a couple of seconds. Those dangerous eyes... She'd whisper something in my ear and I would giggle and nod in response. Then her hands would move under my shirt and she would undo my bra...and then her other hand...and then we would...and then...and then...

...Er I can't really go into detail on what I thought about. Or go into detail about what I did while thinking those thoughts. But, just know that I don't usually dream that whole bedroom part. That was my first time er...masterbating...so I was surprised at the end of everything. It was nice though. Very stress relieving. I would do it again. After I showered and changed I got back in bed and bundled up again.

WAIT...Did you really forget a big part of this whole experience? You just fantasied about having sex with your closest friend. Do you know what this means?