Mattie
I got to where I hated him. I hated life. ~ Susan Sanford ~
I've noticed a difference in my mother lately. She's smiling more, fixing her hair and makeup on days she usually cleans at home. She seems ... happier. Despite the alcoholic outbursts, she seems more content with her life. I'm unsure what's changed or what's happened to cause her smile. Part of me is suspicious. The other part is happy, the selfish part that doesn't want to know because it's easier to see her smile than cry.
~Our Hometown of Dewbridge/Journal Entry by Mattie Mackey
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"Sue! Where did you put my fucking underwear? Why can't anyone in this fucking house leave my goddamned stuff alone!"
I cover my ears while leaning against the door to my bedroom. Why can't he shut up? I should feel bad for thinking such thoughts about my father, but my thoughts are all on the side of ugly. His underwear's right in front of him. I know this because my mom always gathers his things before he takes his evening shower. He's too drunk to see them. I've been standing here waiting for him to close his bedroom door so I can sneak downstairs to my porch of refuge, but it continues to stand wide open. I refuse to look around the door and chance seeing my father in all his glory. Why does my bedroom have to be right across from theirs?
"Mattie." Turning toward the sound of my name being whispered, I see Rylan's head poking through my open bedroom window frame. I knew there was a reason I kept it unlocked. My second favorite way to escape was ruined in one of my father's rages when he got the idea of cutting the tree down outside my window last week. I don't know what made him do it. As far as I know, he doesn't know the number of times I've climbed out of it. I cried when I woke up to the sound of a saw running and realized the source of his anger. It may sound stupid, but that tree had meant something to me.
Closing the cracked open door, I walk to the window. Peering over the ledge, I notice the ladder leaning against the wall and smile.
"I can't exactly grow you a tree, so I figured this would be the next best thing."
"You have got to quit saving me."
It doesn't help that argument when I take his hand and allow him to help me over the ledge and onto the first rung. Together, we scale down the ladder quickly. I wait for him to fold it before we make our way to his truck parked on the road. After we're buckled up and pulling away, he speaks.
"How do you know it's not you saving me?"
The unladylike snort from my mouth causes Rylan to laugh before he grabs my hand.
"One day, Mack, you're going to know your worth. And I sure as hell hope I'm there to witness it."
He drives until he's at the edge of the woods. Pulling in between two trees, he turns off the ignition and pulls me toward him. I go willingly. My skin heats at his touch, and I lose the thoughts that never stop running through my head when he kisses me, the doubts and insecurities constantly mounting. I know they come from my father's constant screaming, but when Rylan's lips move against mine, I find myself wanting to forget. Rylan's hand slips under my tank top, and I grip his hair with both hands to bring him closer. He groans, and the heat between us climbs. At some point, he lifts me into his lap in order to deepen the kiss. I don't question it. Instead, I let myself enjoy the feelings stirring inside me. His fingers brush the front of my bra. I move to give him better access, only to come in contact with the bulge in the front of his pants. I pause. My brain defies me and brings with it all my reservations. I'm uncertain of what I'm doing. I ...
"Mack?"
His voice is thick and sensual, but underneath it is an undertone of worry.
"I'm not sure . . . I don't know what I'm doing," I confess.
What if I do it wrong? If the rumors are true, he's been with plenty of girls who are most likely more experienced than me. Ladonna's face pops into my mind, and I want to cringe. He's been with Ladonna. She's the super whore although I'd never tell her that to her face. If anyone knows how to make a man feel good, I'm sure it's her. Isn't performance supposed to be huge? One chance, or you end up looking like an incompetent idiot. Maybe I'm overthinking this. It's sex. How hard can it be? I've read enough and watched enough movies to understand where everything goes.
Rylan seems to sense my hesitation and pulls me into his chest. I lay there while our breathing returns to normal. I can still feel the hardness pushing against his jeans, but I don't move. He's stroking my back in a soothing motion to calm my nerves. It's working. I can feel my worries washing away with each move.
"I'm sorry," I whisper.
Pausing, he stops and lifts my chin to meet his gaze.
"I'm not."
He means it. I can see it in his eyes.
"He was right." I don't ask who he's talking about. "There are some girls worth waiting for. You're one of those girls, Mack."
Kissing the top of my head, he places his head on top of mine and sighs. "I don't want your first time to be like this, parked in the woods like you're some one-night stand. Your first time should be special, and you'll never, ever be a one-night stand."
"I might suck at making love."
Rylan laughs, and I realize I've said the words out loud. That was a fear I didn't want him to know.
"Why don't you let me worry about that. For now, it's a beautiful night, and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now except here, holding you. We'll go from there, okay?"
Lifting my head, I smile. "I love you."
He returns the smile before placing a kiss on my lips. "I love you, too."
YOU ARE READING
Hay Season
Romance**COMPLETED** It wasn't his fault that he was good at everything. Rylan Tucker was the most popular guy in school, the quarterback, and the most likely to leave our small town. But to me, each year, he was my hero. He was the one who saved me from t...
