No matter what

Lost- 35

Leo POV

" h-heather let me explain" I reach my hand out, but she crawls back sending an ache in my heart

" i-i didn't f-force you. i was perfectly fine loving you in the shadows. B-But you came to me" her voice breaks after each word and as her voice breaks the ache in my heart gets stronger and stronger.

did she love me? Since when did she love me

" you kissed me. Made me believe I was living in my fantasy. My fairy tale world came true. All that I ever wanted became true. The man I l-loved since I was a child was here in front of me holding me underneath h-him." her sobs break out louder and I just stare at her seeing her breaking because of me.

" all those times. When we ran away. w-when you kissed me when you made lov-...when you slept with me" she interrupts her own self.

It was love. It wasn't a nightstand. It was fucking love heather.

" all was a lie." her head that's hung low suddenly jerks up and I see her red eyes, swollen lips, red nose, and red cheeks. Her bottom lip shakes along with trails of tears not stopping.

i want to end her crying. i want to take it all away. This is me. She's crying because of me.

i extended my hand and wipe her tears fast

" Heather please listen to me. it wasn't a lie when i kissed you or anything like that. Please don't cry pleas-"

" yes, it was" she pushes my hand away raising her voice and i just take a deep breath feeling the ache in my heart not spreading all over my chest.

" That's why....that's why before you slept with me you said those things about how you don't deserve me. You knew what you were doing. You took my fucking virginity and made it yours while lying to me all this time!" her voice goes louder, and her tears don't dare to stop.

" Heather i never lied about loving you. i never fucking lied about anything like that. i really do love you i promise that. yes what i did was horrible. i did drug you and i am fucking miserable for that, but i never once lied about liking you"

" When you kissed me for the first time. Why did you kiss me Leo." she stares at me with her bloodshot red eyes and i take a deep breath

be honset.

" y-you started t-to remember" never have i once ever shuttered in my life in front of everyone. never have i ever been scared to answer a question up until now.

" why did you say you liked me at the cottage"

" because i actually did like you. i didn't lie about that" i look at her

" you know you took my first kiss." her whisper comes out broken and that made the pain in my chest raise up to my throat forming a lump.

What is this feeling? What is my body doing. Every fucking bone in my body is telling me to go to her and hold her in my arms. to stop her crying and bring that beautiful smile of hers on her face.

i can't do any of that. i am not someone she should be around. i made her cry i made her a mess. What else can i do Wherever i go i bring darkness with me. And that darkness consumes the people i care about.

i hurt the women who made me feel such a way i never thought i could feel. And all i can do is watch her now.

" i loved you since we were kids. You never saw me, but i always had my eyes on you."

Since...kids.. how could i ever not notice such a beauty like her

" i always followed you to make sure you were okay and that you never got hurt on your way to anywhere. call me a creep for it i don't fucking care."

she looked at me when no one else did how the fuck can she be a creep?

" when i saw you kill that man i didn't wanna believe it was you." she takes a shaky breath. The memory of that event seems to crawl up on her I can see the fear in her. The fear I caused.

" you know Leo." she meets her eyes with me once again. and once again the pain thumbs hard against my chest when i see her beautiful once happy eyes now full of tears.

" if you were to tell me to forget what i saw i would forget it. if you were to tell me not to speak to anyone about it i would zip my mouth and never open it. if you were to want to kill me i would let you kill me. you know why?" she stares into my eyes and i stare back

" not because i fear you. because i would do as you say to protect you. That's how much i fucking love you."

Love..me..

" you lied to me. you hid everything and drugged me." she raises her arms that have been injected with needles in her

" t-this. this is what you have done to me."

i stare at her arms forming my hand to a fist digging my nails in my palm

" and you know what's even more fucked up!" she raises her voice frustrated and I just stare at her arms

" i still have fucking love for you!"

I jolt my head up meeting her red eyes. I feel a tear slide down my cheek, but i don't bother to move. i stare at her face. her beautiful face. her once happy smile right now is shaking and sobbing. How can there be love for me after everything? How the fuck can anyone love me.

This woman who loves me so fucking much. Who looks at me i never thought i could be looked at is the one i hurt. And i can't go back. i hurt her. i ruined my love.

i feel another teardrop. i see her expression change a bit to a bit more worried. she comes closer and wipes her soft hand against my cheek taking a deep breath

" d-dont cry"

even at such a time. such a state she is in because of me how the fuck can she be worried about my tears

" how can you worry about my tears when i have made you a sobbing mess." i whisper staring at her strangely

she looks at me and sniffs wiping her tears looking at me again

" its called love"

" love that I have lost" I mumble under my breath staring at her

"y-yes. love that you lost." she looks at me then away.

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