Story Time With Ali

my mom

Okay, tw for this one. Emotional abuse, yelling, crying, suicidal thoughts, and anger/depression. Mentions of self harm and suicide.

(Sorry that tw sounded like a story intro, I just thought it was needed.)

So 20 or so minutes ago (from 6:10 pm), my sister (age 5), asked if she could call our cousin so they could play roblox. She had asked like 5-10 minutes before this, and my mom lost it.

She had started screaming at my sister, asking her 'what part about my phone needs to charge then you can call him do you not understand?' I was downstairs when this all started.

A couple minutes in from the yelling, I went up stairs to try and tell my mom that she didn't deserve this. I couldn't bring myself to walk into the room.

I don't know why, but I couldn't. I saw my mom screaming in her face, repeating the same question. She had told her to stop crying, but by that point my sister could barely breathe between her sobs. She was crying out 'I'm sorry' but my mom didn't stop.

I ran into my closet. My mom was yelling about how she was inconsiderate and rude. I was brought into the yelling. My sister was still sobbing and gasping for air, crying out sorries.

I was crying and thinking how my sister didn't deserve this. Maybe a scolding for not listening, but not yelling at her until she can't breathe, asking her questions when she can't breathe. I have promised myself that before I let myself die, I will get her out of here.

As soon as I can, I will get my sister away from these people. She doesn't deserve to grow up with all of this bullshit.

When she cries, my mom has told her 'you're not hurt, stop crying.' My mom once told us she wouldn't be like my father, wouldn't lie to us. She told us that we could express our feelings.

She's lied to us.

She lied.

She's just like the rest of them. Like my father, she's a hypocrite, a liar, and makes us feel bad. She's like her father. A liar. A painful presence we've had to grow up with.

My mother told me I'm just like them. She said I'm just like her trashy ass sister who only causes trouble.

I almost grabbed my knife from the closet when she kept yelling. I just couldn't get up. I couldn't help my little sister, and with that, I failed her.

When I came out to her and told her I wanted to use Ali instead of my given name and that I prefer they/them pronouns, she told me she would try to call me Ali in public.

What happened instead? She calls me by my given name and refers to me with she/her pronouns.

When my sister was sad, my mom told her to suck it up.

I need to get that poor baby out of here.