Story Time With Ali

what i so desperately wanna say

This is basically what I wanna tell my best friend but I'm just scared he's gonna be mad at me..... here it is:

Life is fucking kicking me down and I rly want you, need you to notice that I'm not ok. I never was and I just need help man.

I hate feeling so selfish for wanting to say smthn even tho ur talking about Leah and i rly want it to stop.

I don't wanna have to feel like ur lying to me about being ok, we both know ur not.

I wanna feel like I can talk to u or vent even when u don't wanna talk to me abt ur problems but I feel so goddamn guilty.

Nothing makes sense anymore and I really need a fucking hug man.

I want u to not hate me but at the same time I'm losing you and it hurts. Ur moving and idk what to do, I'm losing my fucking mind here m8.

Everytime I ask if ur mentally ok, we both know ur not. U lie and tell me u r and I only wanna help you.

I feel terrible that I'm not there all the time when ur having a mental breakdown bcz there's nothing I can do to help.

I wanna talk abt the past 6 years of trauma we been thru together, but I don't wanna hurt u anymore.

I rly wanna tell u abt 2nd grade, and y I did that to u. I need u to understand and idk anymore.

Everything's so fucking complicated for no damn reason and it doesn't make sense.

I'm in trouble and I'm trying to say it. I wish you could understand. I'm speaking, but then I stop.

It feels so bad, to be guilty of talking too much. Like I need to talk but I just feel like a burden at this point and I can't explain it anymore.

I wish u just trusted me. Bcz I have trusted u with every piece of me and ur my reason to live.

Idk what to do anymore especially now that ur moving.

(Sorry if anyone actually read this......)