your lips on my red cheeks

my goodbye

Dear [Y/N],

Hi. This is the letter I wanted to write first because your you're always on my mind.

Your eyes stayed on the window as Steve drove the RV past the many houses and trees on the way to the Creel house. You didn't want to confront the mission at hand yet, but you should. Something in you just forced you in your spot. It was like your feet turned into solid cement. Stuck. What was there to not worry about? The group decided to split into three groups: the older three were going to kill Vecna during his trance, Dustin and Eddie were going to distract the monsters in the Upside Down, while the rest of you were going to accompany Max. Nothing ever went well when people split up. Someone always dies; you were just hoping this group was an outlier. The past proved otherwise, but maybe the fourth time's the charm?

You were soon brought out of the pool of your own thoughts by the one and only Maxine Mayfield. She "gently" hit your shoulder and motioned for you to come with her. You would be lying if you said you didn't take a moment to admire the redhead. Despite the rough few days, the girl still managed to look ethereal. You've read so many books about mythology, ones about romance and others about tragedy. Even so, you'd take upon Atlas's burden if it meant she was okay because, if an artist were to see this girl, they'd paint her out to be Aphrodite. She was simply... magnificent. From her personality and flaws to the way she looked.

You allowed the girl to take your hand and pull you towards the door of the vehicle, a lantern in your other hand. But, despite the redhead guiding you, something made you pause at the steps. Eddie. His eyes were already on you when you turned your head. You could only define three emotions on his face: pride, concern, and fear. They were all reasonable emotions; he and Dustin were going on one of the dangerous missions. You pitied them and wished you could join them. Why didn't you? The boy was always there for you. You should be there for him. Still, you were put into the group with Max, Lucas, and Erica with nothing but a lantern, a notepad, a marker, and a dull knife you found in the vehicle.

I'm scared. You always seemed to make that feeling go away or made it okay for me to feel that way. But I have a feeling you can't do it now. I can practically feel the concern radiating off you when I write this, even if you're sleeping.

You felt the delicate yet rough hand retract from yours as if she sensed you wanted to talk to the older boy. She usually was right about how you felt in certain situations. This wasn't any different; you wished it was, though. So, you turned on the step to face the metalhead. You knew what to say. It was just hard. It was like saying goodbye forever. Too early to say that.

"Eddie," You began.

"[Y/L/N]," He responded with a grin, but the emotion that was supposed to be hidden was clear to you. The whole situation was starting to get to the guy.

"Just this once, be serious," You advised, your voice slightly wavering. "This time, it's okay to run. Don't be a hero."

"Look at me. I'm not a hero," The boy joked, causing you to internally groan. "I'm going to let Henderson, over there, be that."

"I'm being serious, Eddie. If you're stuck, just run."

"I've been running my whole- "

"This is different. You can die ."

"[Y/N]." You heard Max call out, causing you to slightly turn your head. You were wasting time you didn't have much of, especially on a boy who wouldn't listen because he wanted to change. However, this wasn't a time to change because if he wanted to become a hero now , that would cost his life. You remember being like that, joining the group because you wanted to feel a rush and be someone that did something. It almost cost you your life numerous times. You already dragged Max into this, which led to this whole situation; you didn't need Eddie on your list of lives you ruined.