Gift of a Lifetime

V

The last few weeks of school were awkward and fearful. Ryan knew that I knew, he couldn't help but be on edge every time he was with us, and then when I saw him with his opposing friend group(who looked as addicted as him), he was as happy as can be.

He had admitted to telling one of his other friends about what I told him. (I trusted you! I shouted at him. I couldn't believe that after everything we went through, he would betray my trust.

Dude, I swear I didn't mean any harm by it. We were high as fuck, I obviously didn't understand it as much as your boyfriend did, and I-- a scoff, we just had a little laugh about it!

My boyfriend!?

Oh, you think no one's noticed how close you and Jayden are? You guys are so gay, it's honestly disgusting. I knew he was drugged up, I could tell by the way he was talking, but he still knew what he was saying.

You know I don't like boys, I said, forming my best death stare I could do. And when he didn't answer, I can't believe you, there were tears forming in my eyes, but I fought them. You know that was a sensitive topic, but you still told your stupid friends!

My friends aren't stupid.

Oh really? Is that why they got you addicted to that shit?

Oh, shut up!

I sighed. It wasn't worth it anymore.)

It was terrible. The trio was apart again(except Ryan was in my shoes, and had a whole other friend group so he wasn't alone), but it wasn't that bad without him. I didn't bother telling Jayden the details of our argument, terrified of what he would say.

The days went on and on, we had our state
tests which I'm sure Jayden and I did fine on, until the last day of school, late May, when summer was finally arriving and New York City was thriving with heat. The last day of school was surreal, going on into high school.

The night of the last day, Jayden came over and we had dinner. We ordered takeout from some kind of pasta place. It was great.

After dinner, Mom allowed us to go for a walk.

The walk was peaceful. We strode in silence, and, for the first time, it wasn't awkward. Honestly, Jayden was my favorite person to be around. Not only because he was nice, but he cared for me so effortlessly. If I were him, I wouldn't care less. I wanted so badly to bring it up to him, and especially because of the deep conversations we have now, there's a good chance I will be able to.

"So, uh," He said after a while. I was so zoned out, it almost scared me.

"Hmm?"

He shook his head. "I don't know. I just wanted to start a conversation."

I looked at him in amusement.

"Well, what is there to talk about?" I asked not only him, but myself.

"Do you . . ." He sucked in his lips in thought and shrugged, "Like anyone?"

My heart began to race. I didn't think I'd ever be able to tell him. "There is one person," I said.

We stopped and he looked at me with curiosity.

"Well, I'm still not sure."

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

He continued to look at me, his expression not changing. I looked at my feet.

In a panic I said "I'm really comfortable around them. Pretty much all I have left, now, you know?"

We began walking again. Shit. Fuck shit fuck shit.

When I snuck a glance at him, he was fighting a smile.

"I think I know who you're talking about," He said, keeping his gaze lowered.

"Really?" My heart was about to beat out of my chest. How would he know? "Who?"

He closed his eyes and looked up. "I can't tell you."

Did he really know?

"Do you like anyone?"

"Well, again, I can't tell you."

I looked away, jokingly trying to look unbothered. "Then I won't
tell you either."

He began giggling to himself, and I thought nothing of it until I was shoved off the sidewalk. "You do realize I'm 'pretty much the only one you have', right--

"No!" I laughed, "I meant someone else!"

He kept his arm slung over my shoulder and whispered in my ear, "Are you sure?"

"Yes! Get the hell off of me!" We laughed as I pushed him off.

"I'm only joking," he giggled.

   • • •

We had found a way onto the roof that hung over my porch, and we sat up there and watched the sky as it darkened. We were sweating from the heat, but we didn't let it get the best of us. I kind of regret not bringing any games up there.

I was almost going to fall asleep when Jayden began talking again. "We're gonna be in high school next year, Tommy."

When I looked at him his eyes were more awake than mine and his mouth hung open. I looked back at the view in front of us.

"Yeah."

"We're gonna be freshmen."

I looked at him again and he was smiling. I didn't think it was that big of a deal.

"We should move away together," he said in a soft voice. Suddenly the sun disappeared and it was dark.

"Where would we go?"

He smiled. "We could go to Italy."

I laughed out my nose. "Italy? Where in Italy?"

"France," he said in a french accent, like faunce.

"Do you even know any french? How would we live there?"

He wore a smug look on his face. "I know some french."

I sat up in disbelief. "Really?"

"Oui," he said proudly. "French for bread."

"Ah, okay. That's great that you know how to ask for bread." Then I nudged him with my arm. "Let's move there, then."

"We could take a class." And he looked at me.

Our arms were pressed together, and our knees bumped against one another.

"Let's go to France, then."

A few minutes later, the sky was dark as pitch and we could no longer see. The only light was that of the stars glittering in the sky.