Unexpected

Chapter VI

I wake up startled by Charles's mumbles. He's saying something about fire and car and I try to wake him up. He is clearly having a nightmare. He's sweating and jerking his legs.

'Charles, babe, wake up. Charles, please wake up. Babe?'

He comes back to his senses and looks at me like I'm a headlight. 'You were having a nightmare. Are you OK?'. He moves closer to me and embraces me. I put my arms around him and we hold each other for a few minutes. He falls asleep again and in his arms I can only fall asleep too.

∞

It's Saturday morning and I open my eyes at the smell of coffee. I put on one of his sweaters and go out to the lounge. The coffee machine is running but Charles is not there. I hear him on the phone upstairs in the helm. I take the 2 coffee cups and bring one to him. On the phone I can hear him saying:

'Well, it's not exactly ideal, is it? We could have crashed, she could get hurt. Do you understand how serious this is? It needs to stop, Julien, this is not right. If I'm the goal of the pics that's fine but not her, got it?' - He seems me coming up the stairs and beams that wonderful smile of his my way. 'I'll call you later. Ciao'

'Good morning' - I tell him while I hand him his coffee mug.

He moves closer to me and caresses my face. 'I'm sorry babe. For yesterday. I'm ready to talk when you are.' - He assures me.

I step back from him and take the view in. We are in the middle of the sea. It's 9am and I realize I have not yet packed and I have to leave the apartment at 12 o'clock.

'Charles, can you take me back?' - I can see his face falling. This little sentence has just made him so sad. 

My heart breaks for him but I have an obligation to myself and that's to step away from this situation, from him. We have dived into whatever this is between us, feet first and we didn't look back. Yesterday's events were a wake up call of the reality we live in. He is and will always be chased by cameras, the interest in his private life will never go away and sadly I can't see myself in that world of his. I need to stop this now.

'Of course, babe.' - He answers while moving to the helm to get the boat working and on our way to the marina.

I go back down to the room to collect my stuff and get dressed. I feel the boat docking and he comes down to grab his stuff. We don't say much while we are in the same room. I start to move towards the exit, but I turn around and face him 'Charles, I have given this much thought and the truth is I can't do this.' - He tries to say something but I cut him off. 'Let me finish or I'll loose my train of thought and I need to say this to you.' I place my bag on the sofa and tell him. 'These past days have been the most amazing of my life. You have been amazing, and it's not only the sex. You have made me feel things I didn't want to feel, you made me experience things I didn't want to experience again. I have, against my better judgment, fallen for you and part of me wishes we could see what's in store for us but the biggest part of me sees it as it is, and that's that this would never work. If anything last night was a proof of that.' - He lays his head on his hands in defeat.

'I think we need to cut our losses now rather than wait and have them crashing down on us later. I am going to go back to my apartment, get ready, get on my flight and go back to the UK. And we will both continue with our lives. This was an amazing thing we had and I hope it remains as a wonderful memory for a long time.' - I grab my bag and leave the boat in direction of the taxi rank. In the taxi, all I can think about is his face as I explained him the reality of our situation. The way I didn't let him speak because I feared I would probably cave in when I hear his accent and his tone. The way I was feeling, a bit at a loss, a bit fearful and a bit relieved. I had to get myself together. I had to pack and go to the airport and try to forget what this week had been, with him.

∞

I fell asleep on the plane, which was a blessing to empty my mind, but if I recall correctly he came to me in my dreams. He was at the helm of the Monza calling me. He had this smile that could light up New York City at night, his dimples and his arms calling for me. But I couldn't move. I woke up startled, even the passenger next to me asked me if I was OK.

The trip back home was a quick one. I got my car from the airport parking in Liverpool and drove home. The forty minute drive was easy but as much as I tried to avoid thinking about him, my mind had different plans. I arrived home, unpacked, got my laundry sorted, poured myself a cider and tried to relax on the couch. Thoughts of him, of us, of the week washed over me and I had to get up and pace around the living room several times, to try to block it out. I knew I had to get him out of my system. I ended up falling asleep.

∞

As the weeks passed, life got back to normal and he stopped visiting me in my dreams. I thanked the heavens for it. I had a life to go back to and he was not included in it.