Unexpected

Chapter XV

I leave the hotel carrying my suitcase and holdall. He seems me coming down the stairs and he comes to me. I know he wants to kiss me; I want to kiss him too, but we both know that would not be a good idea. He takes my suitcase from my hands and helps me place them both in the boot. He tips the valet, even though he didn't need any help. I can't help but to smile at this. I hop on the Mercedes and we drive in the direction of the marina. I place my hand in between his thighs. He holds my hand, puts it up to his lips and kisses it. I am at peace, here. Beside him.

I miss James terribly but I did speak to him and C before his nap. I warn Charles that I will need to call him later this evening so I may need to excuse myself for a bit. He understands and I relax. 

We get to the marina, he parks the car and carries our suitcases to the Monza. The last time I was here, all those years ago, things didn't go well. I was sad but I was irrefutably scared. I was afraid of what we were experiencing, of the photographers, of everything that came with him. Now, I know where I stand and I know that being here with him is added value to my life. James is my whole life and he is the cherry on top of the cake. It's a whole spectrum of possibilities but for once I want to give it a go.

He drives the boat to high sea. It's still bright and at the helm I can see the amazing view he gets of Monaco from here. It's wonderful! I'm beside him while he does his thing with the controls. We continue going forward and we stop at the sight of what I can only assume is the island of Corse. He stops the engine and takes my face in his hands and kisses me. 'Have I told you lately that you look beautiful?'

'Not in the last hour or so. Which is very disappointing, Monsieur Leclerc.'

'Well, you look beautiful! But I think I will have to make it up to you later. A total mishap from my part. I am terribly sorry!' - We both laugh enjoying each other's embrace.

We spend the next couple of hours, bashing under the sun, enjoying each other's presence, we talk about what we have been up since we last saw each other, we get reacquainted with each other's bodies, and while I am resting wrapped around his arms, we talk about James. And then the conversation shifts when he says 'So, how will we do this? Me meeting James I mean.'

∞

We are sitting on the upper deck on the couch facing each other. This is will be a conversation none of us could ever prepare for.

'I thought about this a bit, and I think I'll just throw my views and maybe you can jump in and we can then discuss. I got us paper and pen, just in case we want to take notes.' - I hand him a sheet of paper and a pen. He smiles broadly but composes himself. He knows this is the biggest discussion we ever had or probably ever will have.

'I need to speak to James first, about you, I mean. He knows his dad drives cars but I never told him who and because of a family friend, for a long time he thought his dad was Colin McRae, because why not? He doesn't understand F1 that well to know the drivers' names but he knows Schumacher and Lewis, because it's Schumacher and Lewis. So, I need to speak to him and see how he reacts. He has never made a lot of questions about it and I didn't supply information freely. I will try to peruse his reaction tonight when I call him and we will go from there. I can't promise you that you will meet him tomorrow. If he is too overwhelmed, I can't have you meeting him tomorrow. But he comes first. He will always come first.' - He nods in agreement. I see he is not thrilled but it's what's best for James and he will follow my lead.

'Once you meet James, I fear you will feel compelled to compensate the time you were away from him and I'm afraid that will translate into presents. James is a smart boy and we have never been a house that gives material things that often. We give presents but they're all more sentimental. What I am trying to say is that, don't flood him with presents. I have raised him to not look so much at the material things and I don't want to stop that.' - He writes something on the paper.

'We live a simple life. My money is spent on some small indulgences for me when I'm travelling and James has never wanted for anything. We don't do flashy cars and boats and houses. We live in a quiet cul-de-sac 40 minutes drive from Liverpool and we know all our neighbours and I let James play until late outside. He is a free child and I want him to have the same free childhood I had back home.' - He adds something onto the sheet of paper.

'We visit Portugal once a year for one month. He enjoys the forests, the sea, playing with my dogs, helping my mom with the plants and helping my dad with his chickens. He is happy there and I feel sorry every time I need to tell him the holidays are over.' - A couple more lines are added onto the sheet.

'He excels at school and his monthly report is very clear on how intelligent he is, and how kind and polite he is to everyone. I see that report as the living proof that I have done a good job raising him.'

'Now, if everything goes according to plan, for you to meet him, I mean, we are presented with the biggest issue yet.' - He is fully engaged on what I will be saying next.

'We live in different countries, miles away from each other. You love Monaco and I have a whole life in the UK, I have friends, family, work. James has his friends there. I can't just pack up and leave everything behind, if us living together is even a possibility. I appreciate if you wouldn't consider moving to the UK, although that would be the best option for James and myself. But I understand the benefits of James being raised in Monaco, for example. His Italian and French would get so much better. And the quality of life is better, at least the weather is.' - Some more sentences.

'I can work remotely. Due to the travels I make for work, any airport with good connections works for me, so I am easy but James is the main focus.' - He shakes his head agreeing with me.

'If we are really, truly, madly, deeply giving this a shot, there will be a lot of learning about each other. We spent so little time together and there are things that I have learned to keep as the pillars of my existence. And some of them may differ from yours because they would relate to a relationship. Those are: I don't want to get married. It hasn't interest me for a long time. I need communication in a relationship. I don't want to second guess your words or speak in metaphors. I want it as it is and the same way I won't be afraid to hurt your feelings, I want you to not be afraid to hurt mine. Our relationship must be based on trust. There's no budging on this. I can't do it otherwise. I know I said James is my priority and, in certain aspects, he will always be but our relationship, you and me, will be the real priority. I will work on us and I can only ask you to do the same. If we don't work on us, then we won't last and it will be James who will suffer and I can't have that.' - He writes three sentences on the sheet.

'This last one, I feel it may be a deal breaker, and I have considered this thoroughly, but I can't go against what I am. We won't be able to join you on your races or paddock or awards or parties. The Leclerc side of you is tempting but I can't. We can't. I don't want James's face to be all over the tabloids. I don't want my face there either. I value our privacy too much. Just thinking about it makes me anxious and I can't live my life feeling on the edge all the time. We will support you on anything you do, anything! But I need James to live a normal life. For his adult sake.' - he writes something else on the sheet.

'I want him to study, and god forbid he will become interested in fast cars to make it a career, I still want him to study, even if it's home-schooling.'

'Those are all the points I needed to get off my chest. I see you're been writing some points. Just let me get a glass of water and I'm all yours.' - I move to the lower deck to grab a glass of water. I bring one for him too and I sit down.

'I'm ready.'