Unexpected

Chapter XII

'I have thought about this moment for so long that I fear anything I say will come out wrong, so I need you to let me finish and I need you to try to understand. Are you OK with that?' - I tell her I am. I am lost on what can this be.

'Seven years ago you and I had a wonderful time and I didn't deal with aspects of your life well so I left. We had unfinished business and I left because it was the right thing to do, for you and for me.' - I try to protest but she raises her hand to stop me. 'The fact that I was falling in love with you scared me. I was falling in love with Charles but the Leclerc would always be present and I couldn't deal with it. So, as we know, I left.'

'For a long time I tried to deal with the fact that you and I are different people from different worlds. I saw you become the prancing horse everyone knew you were. And I saw you almost winning the championship in 2022 when everyone had written you out of the competition by mid-season. I saw what anger had done to you and how good you had become. All you ever wanted, all the plans we had talked about were coming your way. I saw you become Il Predestinato.'

'Back in the UK, around the time you won the Japanese GP, I learned that I was pregnant.' - My expression changes. I feel my face and muscles tensing. She starts tearing up. 'It seems I was on the 1% of women who get pregnant while on the pill. I thought about not carrying on with the pregnancy. I would have to balance work with a child. I considered all the pros and cons and on the day the championship ended I decided I would have this baby. I decided to wait for his birth to let you know but I started thinking that if I had told you, your performance on track would be affected and you would resent me and him and I couldn't take that chance, so I kept it to myself. - I grabbed the linen of the bed. My fingertips hurt from the strength. 

'James Hervé was born on 25th June 2023. He is going to be six years old next month. He is the most wonderful son anyone could ever wish for. He is kind, smart, honest, truthful and curious to the bone.' - Tears start coming down her cheeks. 'He doesn't know about you. I tried to tell you about him but you never answered my texts and I didn't feel like calling you and just say "Hi, you have a kid", would be a good conversation starter.'

'Seeing you last night was a blessing but knowing you didn't remember us pierced me like a knife to the heart. Not for me, but for James. He's only five but he loves watching the cars driving fast on TV. He doesn't understand all of it, but he likes the fast cars. He says he loves me to Monza and back. He is the sunshine of my life and he deserves to know who his father is. So, I guess, what I am trying to understand is if you would like to meet your son. I understand if you don't. I screwed up. I should have tried harder to tell you about him. And if you didn't want to be in his life at least I would have known. But I spent the last six years wondering if what I did was the right thing at the right time. Whatever your answer is, we will be fine, either way, but I thought you should know so you can make an informed decision.'

I can't speak. I literally can't process thoughts or words. I have a son. He has my dad's name. He is five years old. He likes Formula 1. I am in shock.

'I need to get some air. I'm sorry.' - I tell her as I leave the room, go down to the lobby and get in my car. I drive without destination. I just drive.