A Little Too Soon for Goodbye

5 -Hallucinations

I walk into class a week later, and when I get in there, I apologize for being late. As I listen to the lecture, I do my best to not let my mind wander off. I am nudged by Adrien, and he whispers to me, "are you alright?"

I nod, and continue to just listen. But, randomly, I hear music playing. One of Jagged Stone's songs. I ignore it, thinking that it's coming from another classroom. But, it doesn't stop. If anything, it just keeps on getting louder.

I sigh, rubbing my forehead. The music is good, but it's getting annoying. I can't focus. I end up just completely zoning out, and wishing that the music would go away.

When the lesson ends, I grab my things and wait for Adrien, and walk with him to my house, Alya and Nino following us. Adrien holds my hand, and as we get to the cross walk, I see a pregnant woman on the other side of the street, beginning to walk across. "Stop," I say, and the three of them look at me.

She is slowly crossing, and I look, seeing a car coming. "Watch out!" I yell, and she looks up at me. She looks over and sees the car, freezing in place. "Move!" I scream, and Alya asks, "Mari, what are you talking about?"

I begin to run into the road, but Adrien grabs onto waist, holding me with a death grip as I struggle to get out of his grip. "No!" I scream/sob as the car runs into the woman, and I watch as she falls, her body going lifeless.

"No." I sob, turning around and hugging Adrien, crying into his chest. "Marinette, what's wrong?" He asks, whispering in my ear. "What's wrong? That lady just got hit by a car and you didn't let me help her! What's wrong with you?!?" I scream, sobbing into him again.

"Marinette, no one was there." He says, giving me a concerned look. "What?" I ask, turning back around and seeing no one. I take in a deep breath, and begin to shake. The image of the pregnant lady still in my head.

It's back.

The tumor is back.

At the beginning of the cancer, and what made me think something of it, was that I was having hallucinations. But, at the time, I didn't know that that's what it was.

One day I just suddenly got them. They were awful, and random. They were mainly visual and auditory, like seeing people that weren't real and listening to them. But, sometimes, it felt like there were bugs crawling all over me, or I smelled something and no one else did. One time, before we knew, my dad made my favorite dessert and it tasted like fish to me.

I told them, and I went and got a scan. This was only two months after I was diagnosed, and soon I had the surgery to get it removed. It took about three weeks to recover, but this time I don't know if I can risk three weeks.

But they are awful.

I one time hallucinated a little girl getting kidnapped, and I ran after the man. Then I blinked and he was gone. Another time it was Alya jumping off of a building, and I convinced her not to.

But the worst one was when I had one of them convince me to try and kill myself. The one that I didn't realize was fake, and fell in love with. I'd never had these awful thoughts about ending my life before, but they were so persistent and wouldn't leave me alone. My parents found me right before I slit my throat. They asked me why, and I said because of him, while pointing at nothing.

That's when the tumor was found. I got it removed a few days later, but it was awful. I tried to end it two times after that, in the hospital. I laid with my hands and feet tied to a bed post, and screamed to be let free.

Then I was in the psychiatric ward of the hospital for three day after my surgery, just to make sure I was okay.

It's been awhile since I have had any, but they always will haunt me. They showed up in my dreams for a long time after I got the tumor out. Several nights were spent where my mother slept on my chaise, just in there to comfort me.