Hunger in my Heart

Chapter 10

Cheryl awoke with a start, sitting up in bed abruptly. Looking around quickly she noted the sunlight streaming in through the windows and the empty space in the bed next to her. Ugh, she thought, that dream again. She'd had a recurring dream for awhile now where she was hopelessly lost in some huge building and quickly running out of time.

"I'm running, I'm running, I'm running out of time....my life got cold," she sang mirthlessly, whenever she had that dream the same lyric would be stuck in her head all day, it was a little annoying.

She knew perfectly well what her subconscious was trying to tell her, loud and clear. She needed to do something. By everyone's account, she had almost died, and if that wasn't enough to spur her into action she didn't know what would, but what to do? Loving Kimberley was not the problem; she had no qualms or reservations about that anymore. She may have once been young and stupid and blown her chance, but she was older and wiser now.

The problem was Kimberley, she wasn't free, and if there was one thing she knew about her best friend it was that she would not cheat. No chance on earth of that happening, Cheryl groaned to herself. Regardless, Cheryl didn't want Kimberley on those terms anyway, but her suddenly up and leaving Justin didn't seem likely either. Although, she had noticed that their relationship had seemed strained for some time. Kimberley had spent an increasing amount of time with her lately and Justin always seemed to be off on a business trip or in Bristol with his daughter. Maybe if Kimberley knew she had the option, she would leave him for me, she pondered. That is if she even felt the same way, that is.

It was a risky proposition; tell Kimberley everything, which could potentially ruin their friendship and send shock waves through the band, maybe even put it in jeopardy. Or just continue with the status quo, be best friends with the love of her life. Or, the wishful thinking side of her brain chipped in; maybe just maybe Kimberley feels the same for you as you do for her?

Flopping back into her pillows with frustration, she let her mind wander back to how she had gotten into this mess in the first place.

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July 2003

"Holy christ, it's hot!" Sarah stated the obvious as she elbowed her way into a prime spot in front of the industrial fan, earning her peeved looks from Nadine and Nicola.

The group were at yet another photo shoot in another studio that didn't have any air conditioning and it just happened to be the hottest day of the year. Tempers were a little frayed and all the girls were more than a little fed up with the multiple wardrobe changes when they were all hot and sticky, and to make matters worse they were only half way through and the wait between shots was dragging.

No one had told her about all of these photo shoots and interviews where they would be asked the same questions over and over again, endless promotion and call times at 4 a.m., when she wanted to be a pop star, Cheryl thought. Of course, she had a vague idea of how it would all work, but the reality was there was actually a whole lot more involved than making music and singing. Cheryl watched with some amusement as the girls jockeyed for position in front of the fan, all complaining loudly about the heat and pulling at the wardrobe they had all just donned for the next set-up. Not inclined to stand in the five inch heels they had given her to wear, she was parked on the only couch in the room trying not to move too much and work up a sweat. Looking around she noticed Kimberley just step out from the changing area in her new get-up and make her way over to where she was sitting. Cheryl watched as Kimberley flipped her hair back and away from her face, noting that she looked a little annoyed.

"Do you even like these outfits?" Kimberley asked doubtfully as she approached, indicating the stripy top and black skirt she had on and Cheryl's green dress.