Hunger in my Heart

Chapter 22

Kimberley looked at Cheryl in shock. What? She was gay? Okay, she had always thought Cheryl was more than a little gay, but that she would never come to terms with it. Apparently Cheryl was much better at keeping secrets than she would have ever guessed. Kimberley frowned, why wouldn't Cheryl have ever told her this? When had she come to this conclusion anyway?

"Since when?" Kimberley finally managed to ask.

Cheryl looked at Kimberley with a bit of confusion. Kimberley really didn't look like she was taking this all that well Cheryl thought with more than a bit of worry, she had turned away and was now staring stonily forward with deep frown.

"Since when what?" Cheryl asked and lightly touched Kimberley's arm to try to get her to face her again.

"Since when have you been gay? Because I seem to remember you telling me, repeatedly I might add, that you weren't gay. At all, no way, no how," Kimberley finished sarcastically and was unable to keep the edge of hurt and anger from her voice.

Cheryl sighed, she had to admit it had been a bit of a process for her to come to terms with the fact that she was gay, looking back it became rather obvious to her that she had always been more attracted to women than men, she had just been afraid. Remembering how she had flat out rejected Kimberley and then proceeded to mess with her head for almost two years afterwards were not memories she was particularly proud of. Though it had been part of the overall process, it wasn't until Ashley's revelation that she had really started to look at her life and recognize her own behaviour. Even then it had taken her awhile to accept it and figure out a way forward.

Cheryl winced a little at Kimberley's tone, moving extremely cautiously she reached up and gently grasping Kimberley's chin turned her head so that she could at least see her. Kimberley's expression was definitely closed to her right now.

"Kimberley, believe me I am sorrier than you'll even know about that. If I could go back and change it I would, but I can't. Honestly, I had no clue who I was, or what the hell I was doing back then. It actually took me years to come to terms with my sexuality. But I would say I was finally starting to come to terms with things in 2008 and then really understanding by early 2009," Cheryl told her while anxiously scanning Kimberley's face trying to gauge her reaction.

"2009," Kimberley repeated with complete amazement. "You've known you were gay since last year and it never once occurred to you to tell me this?"

"Of course it occurred to me Kimberley, I wanted to tell you I really did, but I was scared," Cheryl admitted.

Kimberley finally turned and really looked at Cheryl since they had begun this conversation, why on earth would Cheryl be scared of telling her this, surely given their history she would know that she of all people wouldn't have a problem with her being gay.

"Cheryl, why would you be scared, you had to know I wouldn't have a problem with it," Kimberley reasoned.

Cheryl met Kimberley's eyes and tried to explain her reasoning, "I didn't want you to change toward us. I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable given some of the things that have happened between us in the past. I know you're straight but we've always had this...thing...this...." Cheryl trailed off and looked at Kimberley helplessly.

"Chemistry...?" Kimberley supplied.

"Yes, exactly. We've always had intense chemistry. Kimberley, honestly I truly thought for the longest time that I was straight and it was just something about you and that chemistry that made me feel that way. That you were the only woman I was attracted to, but over time and with a bit more exposure, I realized it wasn't just you, it was women in general. That I was actually a lesbian," Cheryl told her earnestly.