Hunger in my Heart

Chapter 17

Kimberley lay in bed absorbing the atmosphere, it was very early, just dawn she figured by the weak light filtering through the still wide-open french doors, apparently she had neglected to shut them last night. It didn't matter though as the fresh air and the cool morning breeze was quite pleasant, besides it was quite cozy under the duvet especially since Cheryl was plastered against her side with her head on her shoulder and one arm flung across her middle. Cheryl was very warm; she had incredible body heat, probably thanks to an extremely fast metabolism, so fast that sometimes it was difficult to keep any weight on her especially when they were on tour.

She felt quite peaceful she reflected, she had slept like the dead, no dreams or restless tossing and turning, owing either to the wine or emotional exhaustion, she wasn't sure which. Or it could be because she always slept better when she was with Cheryl, she thought wryly. It was always about Cheryl somehow, Kimberley was honest enough to acknowledge that Justin was right in many respects; she had prioritized Cheryl over him for quite some time.

She was closer to Cheryl than any other person on the planet she had to admit, and for the last few years they had essentially been partners in all ways, in all things, except one. Which pretty much made her the world's worst girlfriend to Justin she realized somewhat belatedly, why he had stuck by her for the last year plus was beyond her comprehension. Justin's question kept repeating like a loop in her brain, 'who are you in love with'...of course she knew the answer, hell even he knew the answer...it was Cheryl and it had always been Cheryl. Kimberley sighed and shifted a little on the bed unsettled by her thoughts.

Disturbed by Kimberley's movements, Cheryl squirmed a little in her sleep, her hand riding up high across Kimberley's ribs as she nestled her head into a more comfortable position on her shoulder, Kimberley sucked in a breath and ran her own hand soothingly across Cheryl's back. Sometime in the night her hand had made its way under Cheryl's loose shirt so now she was enjoying the smooth heat of Cheryl's skin as she lightly stroked her hand across her back. Her touch roused Cheryl a bit causing her to press closer to Kimberley and hitch a leg over her hip, effectively pinning Kimberley to the bed. Kimberley was suddenly hyper aware of two facts, first that her dormant sex drive had suddenly woken up from months of hibernation and second that there was really nothing to stop them anymore from letting go of the iron control they had maintained on their sexual connection for years. They were both free agents. The question now was if that was really somewhere she wanted to go? Was it worth the risk?

Rolling her eyes to the ceiling and releasing a strained breath as Cheryl squirmed around again and pressed her hips into her once more, Kimberley seriously debated her options. Flexing her arm to hold Cheryl more firmly against her, she thought how easy it would be to pull her fully on top of her, wake her with a kiss and just let whatever would happen...happen. She had no doubt whatsoever that Cheryl would go for it; they had ruthlessly banked this aspect of their relationship for years, sometimes barely maintaining control. Now thinking about it she felt almost helpless to the draw, like it was an inevitability, outside of her control. Kimberley frowned, she didn't like feeling out of control, but Cheryl was the one person in her life that could make her feel that way, on an alarmingly regular basis. Her body was screaming at her that it was a fantastic idea, while her mind was saying it was sheer folly.

Frankly, it scared the shit out of her, the last time she had pursued Cheryl things had spiraled out of control rather quickly and in the end she had been shot down rather hard with her heart a little worse for wear. Kimberley really didn't like remembering the summer of 2004 because it always hurt, but it served as a cautionary reminder as to why she shouldn't just jump into something with Cheryl. She didn't know if her heart could survive being rejected by Cheryl twice in this lifetime.