EMOTIONAL; Danganronpa v3 x Reader insert

Chapter VI; Hole of misery

'I honestly don't know what happend after I passed out. Well except that someone carried me to my dorm obviously, because the first thing I saw was my bedroom. The entire time I thought about yesterday, I couldn't handle it. Not only that Rantaro was the first victim and Kaede the culprit, but also that I'm now alone again. I don't think that I will make them my friends, especially after some things I did and how I treated them sometimes. But I can't help it, it's not like I like treating them this way. It's just how I am i guess. ' My thoughts were interrupted after I thought seeing something moving to the corner, which scared me pretty badly. 

After make sure nothing was there, did I go to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth, even if I had no motivation to do so. Before I did that, I looked at myself and wasn't really surprised by my messy hair, my dark eyebags, the empty look on my face and some crusty stuff from the crying yesterday. After I washed my face and looked up to the mirror again, did I see Rantaro standing behind me, looking bad and having blood everywhere, especially on his head and shirt.

"You should have gone Y/n. It's your fault."

I froze and my eyes full of shock teared up again. "...What?"

"You heared me. It's your fault I'm dead... It should have been you, not me." he spoke.

"N-No...This isn't real...your dead." I stuttered.

"Well apparently it is real, or how can you see me?"

"I-" I began but he spoke again.

"See? It's real. I'm real. And the reason I died, you are is also real Y/n." he said.

I shivered everytime he said my name in this cold tone, it hurt hearing it. "I'm sorry, there was nothing I could have done different! I-" I explained but he interrupted me again.

"There were many things. As an example, You could have told Kaito that you still would go or spy on Kaede and Shuichi to know what plan they had and tell me about it." He said.

"...your right." I admitted.

"See? It's your fault, there were things you could have done differently." He said.

"...I feel so guilty, I'm sorry Rantaro..." I cried.

"An apology won't bring me back to life." Rantaro said in an angry tone. "I hate you for what you have done to me Y/n." he said before disappearing again.

I tried to hold onto the sink, which failed miserably and I fell to the floor, crying in guilt.

'It's all my fault. Everything was my fault. Why am I the cause of everyones pain and sadness? They all didn't deserve that...'  I thought, having another breakdown. And this cycle repeated for another two days. Nightmares, waking up, feeling guilty, seeing Rantaro, breakdown, sleeping in and it repeats again. This went on until I felt like going crazy and the fact that all the time I stayed in my room, not wanting to go outside, not wanting to see the others, not wanting to see their reaction and comments. The thought of going outside made me anxious and overthink everything that could happen, but there was still one thing that basically forced me to go outside. Hunger.
After some hours and Rantaros multiple apperence, my decision was clear. To go outside and get some food, even if I was anxious and almost paranoid.

After I carefully unlocked my door to see if there was someone, which luckily wasn't the case, did I go out to the dining hall. On my way there, did I notice the sky and the sunset, which meant that the nighttime announcement was around the corner soon. I sped up a bit and when I arrived there, opened carefully the door to check if anyone was there. After I made sure that nobody was in there, did I step inside and went immediately to the kitchen to see if there was something I could take to my dorm before being noticed. After I took some fruits and sandwiches with me, did I start sprinting back to my dorm again, just to see Kokichi and Shuichi doing something at my door.

- One hour before -

Shuichi was pretty worried about Y/n. It's unterstandable though, because Y/n had locked themself up, since Gonta brought them into their dorm from the trail and nobody had seen them so far, to which Shuichi thought that they were probably hungry. He had already tried the days before to get through Y/n, but whatever he had done, Y/n never responded or shown any signs of life. He pitied them, Shuichi knew how Y/n felt right now, but unlike him, they were totally lost in the pain of their loss and all their emotions, while Shuichi keeps going just like Kaede had told him.

Shuichi made the decision at that day to talk to Kokichi, who teased on one of the previous meetings, where they also talked about Y/n from time to time, that he was pretty good at lock picking. Shuichi hasn't felt like resting until he had found Kokichi and took him to lock pick Y/n's dorm. Even if he didn't like to ask due to his previous remarks  about Y/n not being really useful and a sad bag of trash rotting in the corner, he still did it. For Y/n.

When Shuichi found Kokichi he called the short boy to him over. Before Shuichi could say anything else, Kokichi already took his chance to teasingly comment about if Shuichi had missed him that much and if he had a crush on him because of his obvious nervousness, Shuichi just ignored these and asked him if the boy could do him a favour, to which Kokichi had weird thoughts and Shuichi cleared them out. After coming to the point, Kokichi thought about it for a short second before asking what he would get for that. Shuichi seemed overwhelmed and before he could think about it, Kokichi cleared it as joke and told him that he would gladly do that for him, to which Shuichi didn't know if he was honest or just teasing, but he tried to ignore it. They both went to Kokichi's dorm to get the stuff he needed, which Kokichi made a race out of it. 

As they finished and stood in front of Y/n door, Kokichi immediately began and made teasing comments about how Shuichi is a pervert for wanting him to lock pick someone others dorm. Shuichi blushed a bit out of embaressment and just seemed nervous about the thought of someone catching them.

- back to now -

I tried to hide myself under the plattform where Shuichi and Kokichi are standing to see what they are doing. I quickly realized that they were trying to get into my dorm, which I let them. After they unlocked the door, they both went in, calling for me. I silently went the stairs up, closer to my own dorm to silently go inside and lock the door behind me before leaning on it. After Shuichi and Kokichi heard the door, they both shocked turn around to see me.

"What the hell are you both thinking you're doing? Well, we are in a killing game after all, so if you want to kill me do it now, or I'll be one killing one of you and then play the victim." I said in a monotone voice while bluffing. Kokichi giggled and said, "Oops, you got us. We were just here to stab you to death, while you were in your deep hole of misery nyehehe!"

"Kokichi, that is not funny!" Shuichi scolded him, to which Kokichi didn't even listened.
"Anyways, we- well at least I was concerned about you, because none of us had seen you and we didn't knew if you even would go out to eat, which is why I asked Kokichi to lockpick your dorm... I'm sorry for that Y/n."

"It's... Okay I guess. And even if you two would have tried to kill me, I don't think I would have minded that at the state I had the entire time in my dorm." I muttered silently, but Kokichi heard me, giving by his small reaction in the face. After all, he can't hide everything all the time.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

It has been a long time hasn't it? Well first, I'm sorry for letting you all down like that.
Honestly, many things happened. I changed schools, went out of a toxic relationship and have a new one currently.
My ex did alot of stuff, I won't tell because it's obviously privat but even after almost 4 months, he is still influencing me in a bad way (social anxiety is again at it's peak dat because of him and he is for 4 weeks now, haunting me in my sleep, bringing me Nightmares at least once a week, for whatever reason ).
My well-being overall has worsend over the past two Months especially, even though I'm still recovering pretty good from those things that have happend.
But I'll try to be as active as possible now.
I'm really sorry.