You Can't Hurry Love

23| Healing

The nurse hands FP his new prescription as Fred signs his release papers. The men thank the nurse and show themselves out.

"Aren't you going to say something?" FP has felt the tension between him and Fred since he arrived.

"I really did try to give the benefit of a doubt to your girlfriend but something like this is something I can't overlook. Your health is on the line."

"I know," FP sheepishly replies.

"What happened, man? Why did you have to drink?"

"It was the only thing I thought that was keeping me sane. She makes me miserable. I've had my eyes opened the hard way. She doesn't listen to me. She can't take no for an answer. I feel no good connection whatsoever."

"Then why are you with her?"

"Loneliness. I know it makes me sound like a douchebag but being alone isn't an option I can easily handle. She was interested and I was okay with that."

"I'm begging you for your own good to stop and think about what you want. Do you want a bad relationship that jeopardizes everything you have been working hard for or do you want to bring yourself some peace and take time to yourself to figure out what you need?"

"I've already decided. I'm ending things with her. She's no good to me. As for sobriety, I don't know. This is my second time falling off hard. I can't do it."

"Yes, you can. FP, rehab set you straight the first time. Do you think you can consider going again? Maybe a bit longer this time?"

"I can't stay away too long. Isn't there anything else I can do?"

"Professional help is the only thing I can offer you."

"So you want me to leave again? Three weeks was a long time."

"What other option is there? We need something that will stick. This landed you in a hospital bed. It's not just some morning hangover. It's beyond plain seriousness."

"Anything else?"

Fred sighs. "Why don't you come home and we just see from there? This itself may have been a lesson learned."

+++

FP sits in the living room feeling like a child in trouble. Fred comes back into the room from the attic with a photo album. He places it in FP's lap.

"What's this?"

"Just take a look."

FP flips it open to see old photographs of them back in high school. "What am I looking at?"

"Who are these people?"

"Well us obviously," FP furrows his eyebrows.

"Yes, a long time ago. And where are you now? The same couch and living room. Some things don't change."

"Okay? You're losing me, Freddie."

"I'm trying to show you that you're not alone. We'll always be here for you. You did find your way back here when you needed somebody. When will you start believing me about help always being here?"

"I get what you're trying to do, but I'm afraid it's far more than that lonesome feeling. I drink to forget and what I'm trying to forget the most is the last six years before landing on your doorstep. I can't control the panic state it puts me into. It's like I forget how to breathe or move."

"Like panic attacks? Why didn't you say you get them? You shouldn't have to go through that alone."

"When you get used to being on your own, you don't know anything more than hiding." FP's eyes glisten. There's more under the surface that FP has yet to dig back up. "You deal with fear on your own...and even surviving on your own. I spent days not knowing whether that day would be my last or not. Living in fear is not living at all."