Was it ever perfect?

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‼️TRIGGER WARNING‼️
Talk of Elopement
Yelling and fighting
Alcohol and being drunk
Description of Panic Attack
Loss of hope
Mentions of adoption
Feelings of inadequacy and self-hatred
‼️TRIGGER WARNING‼️

⚠️this is set in the point of the 'Main Story' before Quackity is together with Karl and Sapnap and is Married to Schlatt.⚠️

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Overview: Schlatt's characterization and slip during the first part of the 'Main Story'. This goes from the beginning to Quackity telling him about Karl and Sapnap.
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...

Elopement was not part of Schlatt's plan when he first asked Quackity to marry him. He was the one who wanted a wedding, surprisingly enough. He wanted to give Quackity just as much as the winged hybrid gave him and his son. The fact that he wasn't able to do that for his lover was absolutely soul-crushing.

Even the sacred bond was hidden under the rug, which Schlatt didn't know if he loved or hated. It kept people from talking about him. He didn't want to be cause for concern with already struggling to pass by in life with a kid he could barely afford to support. On another note, he so desperately wanted to boast and show off. He got someone good. Quackity was good.

Quackity treated him and Tubbo well. Quackity had a stable job, Quackity's place was bigger and when they moved in together he was so fucking happy Tubbo got his own room. Tubbo was safe and warm and comfortable and Schlatt wasn't worrying about food for the next day or if the heating could be turned on in the winter. And no matter how grateful Schlatt was, no matter how much he tried to do the same...

Work wasn't easy to keep. Finding a job in politics was very hard when you flunked out of college. Quackity finished law school, and Schlatt barely skimmed through his first term at Community College.

He was proud to call Quackity's his. But he had no idea if Quackity was proud to be with him.

Schlatt, for a long time, was a couch hopper. He stayed with his friends Ted and Charlie at one point, Connor had joined him on his journey to the DSMP and somehow that hedgehog managed a good place and a decent job so he was there too. When he tried to get an apartment and it didn't last very long.

Tubbo was 2 or three at the time, he was only just getting used to being a parent at such a young age. There was stress and panic and fear and at one point he even contemplated giving Tubbo up for adoption because he didn't see any way things could get better. He didn't want his son to be raised on the streets or without a safe place to call home.

Then he met Quacktiy. Quackity was like a saving grace, an angel with small mallard wings that didn't grow all the way. A beacon of light that almost literally dragged Schlatt from the lowest he's ever felt. They clicked, they loved, and they eloped.

Was Schlatt who Quackity really loved? Was he here for pity? Was he here simply because his husband felt bad for him and his son? Was he... was he enough?

-

Apparently not because Quackity had started acting strange. Quackity looked more anxious around him, there was tension and Schlatt knew something was up but he felt it too risky to intervene. He didn't want to feed into what he thought were irrational fears that Quackity was cheating, or that Quackity had found someone else and was going to leave. He'd be left alone again.. he'd be alone and on the streets and he'd have to put Tubbo up for adoption-

Oh god, he couldn't do that to Tubbo. Tubbo was his one true stability. His son was the most important thing in his life. His son was safe here, his son had two fathers here. His son was loved.

-

Next came anger. Quackity's words of loving someone else- TWO PEOPLE, sank into Schlatt's heart and pulled it into a pit he never knew was there. He was right. He wasn't enough. He didn't have a good job, he wasn't stable, and he was drinking more. Everything he thought was true is true.

So he screams. He yells and slams his bottom of whisky onto the floor and he barks up a storm. Quackity looks almost scared but he doesn't care. Schlatt's drunk and angry and tired and he was right.

He doesn't even try to listen to Quackity's pleads for him to calm down or listen. His eyes are gold and brooding on all his anxieties and fears and-

Before he snaps further, because he knows he will with how drunk he feels and how much he swayed when he shoved his finger into Quackity's chest and stares down at him with tears he doesn't know he's releasing, he stumbles back. He can't breathe.

Schlatt is tired and drunk. Now that his initial outburst of anger is slipping away all he feels is dread. He's so happy Tubbo is at Phil's because all he can think about is him.

Tubbo can't see this. Tubbo can't know. Tubbo can't live through what he lived through. Parental divorce... the yelling, and screaming; fighting and drinking, and.. oh god what is he supposed to do?

His back is literally and figuratively against a wall now. Is this it? Is this the end? Is he being kicked out? Are he and Tubbo alone again? Will he have to give Tubbo away? Will he lose everyone in the blink of an eye?

His legs give out before he can process them and he slumps to the floor. His callused hands press against his chest and his mouth because he doesn't want to be loud anymore. He doesn't want to hear himself cry, he doesn't want to hear himself scream profanities and pathetic pleas for something he... he wants this to be a sick fucking joke.

He wants to pass out and wake up and have Quackity resting beside him in bed and realize that he was having a nightmare. He'd brush some hair out of his lover's face, tug him a bit closer, and let himself relax and calm down knowing that things were okay and that he was still loved. That his son still had a home and wasn't going to end up like him.

-

Schlatt doesn't remember falling asleep. He remembers panic and then the sun shootings rays of light into his eyes from a break in the blinds. He feels sick. He feels tired and sick and exhausted and for a moment he thinks this isn't real. But Quackity is asleep on the couch a few feet away.

Quackity looks just as exhausted. Quackity sleeps with guilt on his face and that's all Schlatt needs to see for him to shoot back to reality.

But he doesn't move. He sits and simply stares at his husband. There's a swell in his throat and tears prick his eyes but he doesn't let them fall.

This was it then, right? This is the beginning of the end?

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