Her Last Year

Chapter 1

I never meant to fall in love with Noah. Maybe it would've been easier if I hadn't but honestly, I don't regret a minute of it. Falling in love with him was like flying. It gave me butterflies and made me feel alive. And let me tell you, alive was something I hadn't felt in a long time.
***
"ALEX!" I curse under my breath before grabbing my pillow, smothering myself with it. I roll over burying my face into my bed, pressing the pillow to my ears.
I hear his footsteps coming up the stairs despite the pillow and find myself cringing. My door is thrown open and before I can react, there is a rough hand on my shoulder, throwing me onto the floor.
"Stupid girl. I thought you'd have learned by now to come when you're called." I manage a glare at him before his hand makes contact with my face.
I press my tongue to the roof of my mouth, refusing to cry. I won't allow myself to show weakness in front of him. He snorts, obviously amused before punching me in the stomach repeatedly. He pulls back to admire his work and I feel a flicker of hope, thinking he's through. He extinguishes that though as he kicks me in the face before slamming my bedroom door.
I listen for the sound of his receding footsteps and decide he is far enough away before I run to the bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror and already notice the swelling on my face. I gingerly pick up my shirt and wince at the soreness. Yep, that's gonna bruise.
Putting my shirt back down I look at myself in the mirror. I usually don't because I don't see the point but I'm looking for something, anything that would tell me why this is happening. Is this my fault? How could it be?
I look down at my wrists, admiring how clean they are. I've held off for a long time. But why should I? What's the point? I slide my finger along the edge of the mirror before pulling it open to reveal my medicine cabinet. I look past all the medicine bottles and reach into the corner. My hand grasps the cold metal object and I sigh, knowing what's coming and already finding relief.
"ALEX!" Before I can do anything I throw it in the cabinet and close it before running down the stairs.
"What?" I ask. It came out sounding more annoyed than I meant for it to and I brace myself for whatever is coming.
"Is that how you treat your father?" I want to throw up just hearing him say that. He is nothing like what a father should be. My father left when I was younger and from the little I remember, even he was better than this scum bag.
I fight the urge to scoff and instead shake my head. If I open my mouth I know I'll say something I'll regret. "What? I didn't hear you. I'll ask you again. Is that how you treat your father?" Smack.
I bite back my tears and put everything I have into leveling my voice as I prepare to answer him. "No."
"No what?" He snarls, curling in his upper lip.
"No, sir." I spit out. I watch him carefully, wondering if I need to brace myself for anything else. He focuses his attention back on the tv and I take that as my cue to leave.
"Oh, and you aren't leaving the house today. I don't know where you go or what you do, but that's going to stop. There's work that needs to be done around here and that's your responsibility. So get to work and while you're at it, make me breakfast." I feel my heart drop into my stomach. How am I supposed to last a day in this house?! I salute him before running up the stairs to grab my iPod.
I come back down the stairs and notice him watching The Sopranos. I roll my eyes as I walk into the kitchen. I plug my iPod into the dock and smile as "The Black Parade" by My Chemical Romance comes on. Searching through the cabinets I decide on pancakes, bacon, eggs, some hash browns, and sausage. I turn on the stove and get out everything I need. This should be enough for all of us.
When I finish, I unplug my iPod and carry the food out to my stepfather, still entranced by that stupid show. I will never understand why it's appealing to him. I set the food in front of him on the coffee table and step back, waiting for him to take the first bite.
"This is rubbish!" He says through a full mouth of food. "Can't you do anything right?" He says. I put my head down and walk back into the kitchen to clean up. As soon as I'm out of view he really digs in. I sigh in annoyance. Why does he hate me so much?
I brush it off and continue cleaning the kitchen. I wipe down the counters, wash dishes, clean out the fridge, sweep and mop the floor, and even wipe down the inside of the microwave and oven. When I'm finished, I move on to the next room, the laundry room.
After a few hours, the only room I have left to clean is mine. I check the clock next to my bed and see it's only 3 pm. I take my time cleaning my room and when I'm finished lay back on my bed. I think about texting my best friend Tasha but decide against it. She's probably with her boyfriend and won't have time to reply. She's been doing that a lot lately, ditching me.
I set my phone on my bedside table and plug my iPod into my dock. "I'm Gonna Show You Crazy" by Bebe Rexa starts blasting through the speakers and I smile, dancing around my room to the beat with my hairbrush as a microphone.
It isn't long before a muffled conversation catches my attention and I turn down the volume of my music. From what I can tell, mom has been using again. I roll my eyes, not even a bit surprised. "How much?" He yells at her. I can't make out her reply but I can almost feel his anger. "HOW MUCH DID YOU TAKE?!" I hear a crash and make a beeline for the stairs.
I reach the bottom to see mom collapsed on the floor. "Dial 9-1-1!" He yells at me. Before I know it, the phone is to my ear and I'm talking to the operator. I don't even retain half the information she gives me but listen when she says an ambulance is 3 blocks away.
I hang up, not wanting to talk to her anymore and walk out the door and onto my front lawn. I hear the ambulance before I see it and soon there are bright lights everywhere and it's more than I can handle.
Before my mind can process what's happening, my feet are moving beneath me and I'm running without a destination in mind. I stop, bent over trying to catch my breath and find myself at the town's water tower. Before my mind can talk me out of it, I'm climbing up the ladder. I don't look down, determined to reach my destination and am soon at the top. I carefully climb off the ladder and stand up, admiring the view. It's truly beautiful up here. I can see most of the town. I focus on the library and then the town hall before glancing over at the dance studios I took classes at as a kid. My dad would take me to them. He appreciated my love for dance and always said I got that from him.
I smile at the memory, but that smile soon fades as I am distracted by the red and blue flashing lights coming from my street. The neighbors are coming out of their houses to see what happened. Nosey people.
I shake my head and watch as a stretcher brings my mother out of the house. Tears come to my eyes as I watch the paramedics put her in the ambulance. It's moments like these when I find myself wishing my dad was around.
After a while, the excitement dies down and the neighbors go back to their houses. I watch them as they walk across the street and notice how small they look from up here. In a way, it's reassuring. It reminds me that this world is so much bigger than all of us and the universe is so much bigger than the problems I am facing now. It makes them seem meaningless.
I lean back and stare at the sky. There are no clouds in sight and at the moment the sky is a nice, well, sky blue for lack of a better description. Suddenly, I feel very tired. Without a clue where the exhaustion came from, I slowly close my eyes, listening to the sounds around me.
A rustling in the bushes causes me to open my eyes even though my tired mind is against it. A silhouette makes its way out of the brush and stands at the bottom of the ladder. Because of the sun, I can't make out their face so I just decide to wait until they reach the top.
I should be on my guard in case the silhouette turns out to be an axe murderer or a cannibal or something but I just don't care enough to. My energy is nonexistent and I'm numb. Too much has happened today.
The silhouette reaches the top and I face my feet, watching as they dangle over the ground hundreds of feet below. I close my eyes as a gust of wind blows my long brown hair off my shoulders. I inhale the scent of the flowers scattered across the field next to this one and listen as the person takes a seat next to me. They are close enough that I am able to feel their body heat and I open my eyes, a bit curious to see who it is.
It is a boy who looks to be my age, although I have no recollection of seeing him in school. His chocolate brown hair is longer than it should be and tousled as if he just rolled out of bed. He has a tan that looks natural and blue eyes that remind me of the ocean. The longer I stare at them, the more I notice the gold flecks that appear in them as he refuses to break eye contact. I look at his nose and notice that it is long and pointed but fits his face and doesn't stand out. His cheek bones are defined along with his jawline and his lips are curved rather nicely. I watch as he takes his bottom lip in between his teeth, examining me as well.
His neck is long but not too long and his shoulders are broad. Through his shirt, it is obvious he is toned. Especially his arms. He is wearing a navy blue tank top which makes him look tanner than he is. His jeans are light wash and ripped and he's wearing red converse. I look back up at him to find him still watching me. "What's your name?" He asks and his voice is soft, considerate. He knows who I am.
I look ahead, not wanting to answer. Not wanting to say anything or even think about who I am or where I came from. The image of my mom lying on the floor makes tears come to my eyes and I don't try to blink them away. I don't care if this stranger sees. I scream until all of the air is torn from my lungs, inhale, and scream again. I scream until my voice is hoarse. He screams too. In that moment it's like both of us are casting out our inner demons. I watch the leaves fall off the oaks and make themselves at home on the ground. I wonder for a moment if they know they're dead and then laugh at myself and the idea of a leaf knowing anything. It sounds more like croaking due to my hoarse voice, but that doesn't bother me. I look over and knit my eyebrows together when I hear the boy laughing with me.
Our eyes meet and I feel moisture once again on my face. I wipe them away this time as the boy watches me. "What's your name?" He asks again and this time I decide to answer the strange boy.
"Alex, yours?" He smiles, processing my name as he glances over my face.
"Noah." I immediately think of something to say and can't resist. I put on my armor and hide any emotion I'm feeling from the events of today, afraid that he's already seen too much.
"You don't happen to be afraid of water do you?" He doesn't laugh. I do.
"Why do you do that?" He asks and I find myself not knowing what he means. "Why do you put up a wall?" It feels like a punch in my gut and I quickly turn away. I stare straight ahead once again, refusing to answer. I was right, he's seen too much.
He moves closer and every muscle in my body tenses up. I let my hair fall in my face, obscuring it from view, I swallow hard and he reaches and brushes my hair behind my ear. "I know to you I'm a stranger, but you don't have to pretend around me. Look around, there's no one here but us so let it out. Scream and cry and curse and pray and just let it all out because I'm not gonna judge you. I'm gonna put you back together." I look at him warily but the intense look he's giving me tells me he's serious. I sigh before letting my walls down. Before I know it, his arms are around me and I'm crying into his chest.
***
Once I let it all out I was calmer. I was past being numb and was doing okay. Or at least as okay as I could be. Since then we've just been talking about anything and everything. He's even managed to make me smile. Apparently he's starting school tomorrow at my high school. That knowledge causes butterflies to erupt in my stomach. It was easier pouring my heart out to him when I didn't think I was going to see him every day.
He reassures me and I watch as he moves so we're sitting shoulder to shoulder. I tense up but he promises that he's not going to hurt me and I believe him. He tells me to lay down and points out the different constellations. It's so beautiful up here at night and before I know it, my eyelids are heavy and closing. I fall asleep to the sound of his voice telling me the story behind Orion's Belt.
***
Most people don't believe in love at first sight, but that's exactly what happened. Noah swept me off my feet the moment he tucked my hair behind my ear. Such a simple gesture, but at the same time no one had done that for me before and it meant more than he could ever imagine. Little did I know that a future with him led to more of those surprises.