Mandalorian Lost

Chapter 16

When the ship lurches out of hyperspace, I'm almost relieved to see the rusty old space station float into view. The tracking beacon is still blinking on Mando's belt, but I'm not worried. He'll slip it to Qin when we drop him off. I have to admit, it's a clever plan. I only wish I'd thought of it myself.

As the Razor Crest lowers into the hangar and eases to the ground, I share an anxious glance with Mando. Of course, there's always a chance his plan could go wrong. We've had the beacon long enough as it is. Any slip-ups will cost us precious time, and we might not make it out of here in time to escape the New Republic.

He stands and hops down the ladder, grabbing Qin in time to nudge him down the landing ramp. I watch them from the windows as I sit in the cockpit, Grogu just behind me. I'm aware of his presence. Maybe too aware. I can feel his buggy eyes on me as I stubbornly stare out the window. He's nudging me through the force, begging me to reopen that little bridge I'd allowed between us before Tatooine.

But I can't.

Just the thought of it makes darkness swirl around me, threatening to close in like bony tendrils slowly suffocating me until I'm helpless to stop it. I can't let the child see that. I have to get him back to his home, wherever that is, and keep him as far away from the Empire and the darkness they carry as possible.

He gurgles, almost angrily, and I force my back to stay rigid. If I look at him, I know I'll crumble. I stare straight ahead, not even daring to move when Mando's footsteps grow louder as he climbs back up the ladder.

"All clear," he says, plopping back into the pilot's seat and quickly flying us out of the hangar.

As we pull out of the hangar, narrowly avoiding the three X-wings that appear in the sky from light speed, I finally let the tension from this whole nightmare of a job melt away. Of course, that leaves plenty of room for exhaustion to hit.

My head rests against the back of my seat and I exhale long through my nose. The stinging from my temple comes back in full force. A mild annoyance at its worst, but still there. It'll need a little bandaging. My muscles weigh down with soreness, especially my neck, and I try not to move.

"You alright?" Mando's hesitant voice penetrates the silence that had blanketed us. He sounds stiff, like he's not used to checking on anyone. I close my eyes and give him a noncommittal grunt. "The kid looks a little tired. Mind putting him to bed while I finish up here?" He gestures to the screens and controls before him. I risk a fleeting glance at the kid and he's already staring at me eagerly.

"Oh, I don't know, he looks fine," I stammer, gripping the armrests of my seat. Mando sighs, turning to face me, but I jump to my feet. "I, on the other hand, am super tired. I'm gonna get some sleep while I can."

I practically flee the cockpit. I head toward my room, but it doesn't feel far away enough from Mando and the kid. I end up jumping down the ladder without a backward glance. I barely reach the ground before the first few warm tears trickle down my cheeks. The realization of my current situation hits me like a ton of bricks.

I can't even look at the kid without feeling guilty. I'm too dangerous to care for him. I'm a monster, made by the Empire. My former master might still be alive, which means I'm not free. I'm not free at all.

I can't stay on this ship.

I clamp one hand over my mouth to stifle a sob as more tears flow. My free hand presses against the nearest wall to keep me upright. With each passing second, I feel more and more trapped. Trapped in this ship, trapped in my life, trapped in the darkness. I'm plunging down a tunnel with no end.

"Tara."

I pause in my descent into the dark madness. There's one voice, gruff yet gentler than anything I've ever heard, that makes me stop. But I can't stop my shoulders from shaking as I choke back another sob. I can't even stop them as his footsteps come closer. I can't stop them when he lingers just behind me, close enough to radiate warmth on my back.