key to my heart | jariana

31

"Yeah," Chaz spoke up, nodding. "There's no one else that I've seen Justin happier with."

December 16, 2013

"I wish you all the best, Nathan. I really do."

Before the stunned boy could say anything, Ariana got up from her chair and walked out the door. She pulled out her car keys before looking back at Nathan's house, smiling to herself.

Jumping into her white Mercedes, she revved up the engine, then pulling out of the driveway and onto the busy street, making her way back to her own home to continue her plan.

After her trip to New York and running into Chaz and Ryan, Ariana had a moment of truth. Chaz and Ryan had explained how Justin held in his feelings for her, playing himself off as the best friend for Ariana to avoid being hurt again.

"He's always had a small crush on you," Chaz admitted, looking over to Ryan for confirmation. He nodded, allowing Chaz to continue talking. "I think ever since he met you on the set of Victorious."

The trio had gone back to Ariana's apartment, escaping New York City's winter chill after finishing their desserts. Ariana's distraught nature worried the boys, and they had agreed to talk through Justin's side, knowing that it was going to eat her alive if they didn't.

"No way," Ariana shook her head, curling her eyebrows together. That event was in 2011, years before they got close during the Believe Tour. They barely knew each other.

"Like I said, it was a crush. I don't think it was meant to be anything more."

"But then when you began touring with him and you guys got closer, especially during the whole Jai situation.." Ariana shuddered at the memory. "It became more than just a crush."

"He kept saying it was nothing, that it was just because you guys were in close proximity all the time and he was helping you through all that was going on. But we all knew. He was never like that with anyone before."

Ariana bit her lip, trying to process all that the boys were telling her. The Believe Tour was the happiest and most traumatizing experience of her life, and she was grateful for how she turned out at the end. But now reliving it through the eyes of Justin - it made her want to hurl because she realized she never thought about how Justin had felt during the time.

Ryan kept on talking, "But he was still hurt from his relationship with Selena. He didn't want to jump into anything with you because he was afraid that he wasn't ready for it and that you weren't either. And that you didn't like him back."

"So it's not your fault, Ariana. He made a choice to hide it from you, from most people," Chaz said, resting his hands on his thighs as Ariana ran a hand down her face in frustration. "You shouldn't blame yourself."

It had been a hard and long week since she came back to Los Angeles after her trip. The one thing she knew she had to do was break up with Nathan. The first thing Ariana did when she got back was warn Scooter about what she was planning to do, and even though Scooter resisted, he understood and gave her the green light.

Breaking up with Nathan was next on her to-do list, and checking that off lifted a huge weight off her shoulders. Ariana knew that this was going to be in the news everywhere and Justin was going to eventually find out, but that's what she wanted.

The hardest part was confronting Justin, because there was a lot that they needed to talk about, Ariana lying to him about Nathan, Justin's feelings for her, Ariana's feelings for him, and what the next steps for their relationship was, if there will be one. Ariana knew that there was a chance that Justin would never want to talk to her again, so she prepared herself for that reality.

Once she made it back to her house, Ariana headed straight into her home studio. The room gave her a sense of peace despite everything going on around her. Sitting down onto the couch, she curled her feet up to her chest and grabbed the pen and paper that was waiting for her on the cushion. She didn't have any ideas just yet, but she wanted to be ready just in case.

She thought over her relationship with Justin, the memories that they shared throughout the Believe Tour and how much fun they had together. It felt so long ago where life felt so happy and easy. Spending all that time with Justin was an honor, but it also made her sad thinking back.

How could she not have known that he had feelings for her? Was he that good at hiding it? Was she that oblivious?

Ryan and Chaz had explained that he chose to hide it from her, but that still didn't mean it was okay for her to hurt him by being with Nathan. Ariana knew it was irrational to blame herself for Justin's choice to not tell her how he felt, but it was still her decision to agree to the dating arrangement. She knew that it would hurt Justin, even when she didn't know about his feelings for her, and she still did it anyways.

"To be honest, it was both of your faults," Ryan said maturely. The other two turned over to him, the looks on their face encouraging him to keep talking. "I get it, Ariana, that the deal was made under management, but it was still hurtful and disrespectful to not have told him since he was your best friend. I feel like even if you couldn't tell anyone, the one person you should've still told was him. He was there for you through everything, he wouldn't have said anything to anyone if the fear was people finding out that you and Nathan was a publicity stunt."

Ariana nodded, knowing that she deserved to feel the guilt and blame from her actions. Ryan was right, Justin never told anyone about Jai or her self-harming, why would he expose her and Nathan?

Ryan continued, "But, Justin also had no right to use your lack of knowledge of how he felt about you against you. He knew that you didn't know about his feelings because his goal was to never have you find out. So his reaction to finding out about you and Nathan was uncalled for to an extent; he could've been angry, but not that angry, you know what I mean? He overreacted because he was upset that you were with someone else, but he channeled that anger into being mad that you didn't tell him about it."

Ariana silently processed what he had said, and she understood what he was trying to say. Justin was allowed to be upset that she wasn't truthful to him as his best friend, but he also shouldn't have let his emotions overcome his reaction.

"In a way, I'm on Justin's side, not because Ive known him for longer or anything, but I just feel like knowing who he is, I would've trusted him no matter what rules were set or whatever, but I can also see why you did what you were told. I think it's an unfortunate situation and I hope that it works out for you both in the end because you deserve each other."

"Yeah," Chaz spoke up, nodding. "There's no one else that I've seen Justin happier with."

Chaz' words stuck with her, because she had always thought that she's never been happier with anyone but Justin. She knew in her heart that she had always loved Justin, but she hated how it took her until now to realize that. It took her hurting him and losing him to realize that the feelings she had for him were more than just gratefulness for everything that he's done for her. That it was more than just him being such a good friend to her. That the feelings were love.

Ariana knew that her and Justin's relationship wasn't going to be mended overnight. It might take months, but she knew that she wouldn't give up on him. She just wanted to tell him how sorry she was and how she felt for him. She wanted to be near him, be in his presence because he had always made her feel so safe and loved. She wanted to be with him again, even if she only got one last time.

really boring chapter, but i'm going to finish this book once and for all lmao. i don't like leaving it unfinished so i'm going to write an ending and complete this book. i love this story and as unfortunate as it is that i lost the hype/momentum, the least i can do is give it a proper ending, even if it doesn't get any reads or votes

-biebuhftari