key to my heart | jariana

32

As he slowed down, his heart raced. Justin blinked, trying to see if the red and blue lights surrounding him were fake, just a part of his imagination.

January 23, 2014

The alcohol slid down Justin's throat, burning along the way but he didn't care. He liked the pain. He was more focused on the chatter amongst his friends that were sitting around him in the living area, each with their own bottles in their hands.

"Yo, Justin, want another one?"

He looked up to see Xavier, otherwise known as Lil Za, holding up the bottle of Heineken, arm outstretched in front of him. Justin didn't realize that he was nodding until Xavier handed him the bottle, and Justin's lips immediately covered the mouth of the bottle, downing its contents.

"Let's play some fucking music, man," Lil Twist yelled, jumping up from his seat on the ground to walk over to the giant speaker attached to the TV. The rapper played with the laptop connected to the devices, and then heavy rap music began blasting throughout the house.

The girls in the room squealed, making Justin cringe at the noise. He didn't care for any of them, even though he knew all of them were trying to impress him by trying to make eye contact with him to let him know that they were cool enough to know all the words.

Justin had flown out to Florida to support Twist and Za for a gig they had at a club, and now they were hanging out at a rented AirBnB in Miami that Justin had gotten, learning to not use his own house that he owned in Florida. His neighbors in LA were constantly complaining at the noise from the parties that the trio were throwing, and he didn't want to make the same mistake.

Twist and Za had invited their friends over, and they were all drinking and smoking weed. This had become a regular thing for Justin, and even though it wasn't an ideal way to spend his time, he wanted to do anything he could to avoid thinking about Ariana.

Justin had heard that Ariana and Nathan broke up a month ago, but it didn't change his anger. He found out through Twitter. She never bothered to reach out and tell him.

He knew that it wasn't fair to blame her for not telling him, he told her he needed space. But being mad at her was easier than facing the fact that it was his fault for letting her go, for not telling her about his feelings for her in the first place. It was his fault that he lost her.

"Justin," the whiny voice of the blond girl whose name Justin never bothered to remember said, interrupting him from his thoughts. "Can you sing for us?"

Justin looked around the room, the three pairs of drunken eyes belonging to the girls staring at him intently. He heard the snickers of Za and Twist, along with the two other guys who were there.

"Yea Justin, sing for us! Pretty please with a cherry on top," Twist begged, playfully batting his eyes and puckering his lips. One of the brunettes smacked him in the shoulder, rolling her eyes.

Chewing on the insides of his cheeks, Justin felt the annoyance bubble in his chest. Lately, he's been more angry and irritated by everyone, and he didn't know how to handle it. Usually, drinking distracted him, but his tolerance for alcohol has increased over the past few months from the constant consumption, and he needed more than just a few beers to feel anything other than the rage inside of him.

"No," Justin mumbled, getting up from the couch and walking over to the kitchen, ignoring the pouts of the girls as they cried out after him.

Once he made it inside the kitchen, he threw open the liquor cabinet, grabbing a bottle of Jack Daniels that was waiting for him. Justin gripped the neck of the bottle, bringing it up to his lips and swallowing the contents, instantly wincing at the bitter taste of the whiskey.