Hurt |L.S|

27

Zayn's POV:

I will not even start to describe the show. All I'm saying is that he's fucking incredible. Lou was, again, totally in trance, watching him perform with a look in his eyes I know a lot too well.

It's the same as when they were young, 17 and 19 years old or something like that. The gaze screams love and it hurts me that they actually never got closer.

I was actually really close with Harry and he told me a lot about what management told them and I think they never came together because they were always told how wrong it would be. They would have meetings for about two hours and the only point management was making, was that gay relationships are wrong and joked about how the fans are shipping them. With that even Harry and Lou made jokes about their friend/relationship but with an aching heart and the head full of "what if"s.

I saw how Harry comforted Louis on the plane, the agony he felt when Lou got hurt like that.

But Lou is another story. After waking up again he actually got his composure right back and started teasing Harry, yes I saw that. I don't know if he only tries to cover up the pain for our, especially Harry's, sake. He never was one to show how hurt he is. Even when his mum died and I didn't show up to his performance, something I'm still awfully ashamed of, he hid the pain and talked it out with me. My only problem was that I had no reason for staying away except for being a whimp.

But there's also something that concerns me about Harry. He never snaps like when Niall asked about his relationship. Or he never did, at least not against Niall. Harry always protects and guards Niall from all the bad in the world, just like we do. That he starts an argument with our Nialler is truly unusual. So I guess that his relationship isn't all love, peace and harmony (the urge to write joy, peace and eggcake was hard to fight against). He never talks about her and was really snappy when asked. That's not normal. Harry speaks a lot, it doesn't matter that he does it like a sloth, and he's definitely not snappy. Well, most of the time.

So I guess that he's not happy and knows it deep down but doesn't admit it to himself. He always was afraid to break up with somebody, he didn't want to hurt her. Yes, her. After that escapades with management he never dated a guy in the One Direction time, but I don't know about the last few years. But in all relationships he was always the one who'd end up hurt. His girlfriends started to notice that he's not 100% committed and then broke up with him. Each and everyone broke his heart and Lou was always the one to put it back together.

I do hope he had a person like Lou for the past few years because I saw that he was in different relationships. And if nobody was there to pick up the pieces then I don't even want to imagine how broken he is.

Maybe I'll talk to him tomorrow when we safely arrived in Lisbon. We fly today after we pick up Harry from backstage and can have a relaxing day tomorrow until the show then is the next day.

We do our little routine in waiting for all the fans to leave and then sneaking backstage. There we see an already sleepy Harry who looks absolutely adorable by the way.

"Can you still walk or do you want us to carry you?" Lou's soft voice breaks the silence in the room. I think he really hopes that he get's the permission from Harry to carry him. If it's still the same then he like the warm body in his arms.

"I want boobear to carry me." You can see that Lou is melting on spot but he's also hurting. This is a nickname his mum gave him and will not ever be able to use it again. He still replies jokingly with a strained voice:

"Don't call me boobear, luv, you know I don't like it." He clearly does but only Harry and his mum are allowed to call him that. "Do you really want me to carry you? I don't want you to regret it in the morning." I can't help but snort. It's really cute and absolutely necessary that he ask for consent but the last sentence sounded like he wants to sleep with him. Lou doesn't even pay attention to me and just looks straight in Harry's eyes, searching for approval.

But the only answer he gets is Harry making grabby hands towards his loubear. With a soft smile, with which I will tease him for the rest of the week, he bends down so he can pick up Harry more easily. Once in Lou's arms , Harry sighs contently and falls asleep innert seconds. Lou is gazing down at him until Liam clears his throat. If looks could kill then Niall and I would be in prison and Liam would be dead.

During our intense stare contest Lou clears his throat to get our attention.

"Maybe be should get to the airport? We will then be in Lisbon in no time and this sleepy boy could get into a real bed." I slowly peel my gaze away from Liam, not without sending a last dagger, an imaginary dagger of course, to look at Larry and at how cute they are. Harry might be taller but Lou has enough muscles to carry him easily.

When we finally reach the airport and put Harry into his seat, everything goes wrong. Harry's phone starts ringing and we obviously don't pick it up because we don't know if he's ok with it. We just wait until it stop. But then it starts ringing again and again and again. I slowly start to worry, what if something happened? Lou is already trying to wake up Harry, even if he definitely doesn't want to disturb Haz' peaceful sleep. We all wait until Louis has Harry shaken awake and he just reaches out to his phone tiredly. Without even looking at the caller he accepts the call. His sleepy grimace turns into a pained, annoyed and angry expression. I think I know who's on the other end of the line.

I'm so sorry for not updating yesterday but I read "until forever, Emma Lindberg" and "ugly love, Colleen Hoover" and in the evening I was laying in our garden and was stargazing and observing our moon. I highly recommend doing that, it's absolutely calming down and beautiful. You realise how small you truly are and how big the universe really is. It was cold af but I enjoyed it. Still, I'm sorry for not updating.

Hope you like it, have a nice day <3

~N
14.08.22