Hurt |L.S|

30

Louis' Pov: 

I feel the heat wandering up my neck, all the way towards my cheeks. I did not just pull Harry out of a well needed hug. How selfish is my unconscious? He just went through the most hurtful insults and Liam gave him the hug he clearly needed. And I pulled him back into me.  And didn't let him go. 

The things he got to hear were painful and definitely not true. There is so much more we love about him. His personality, his music, how he treats people and so on. I don't want his fame, I just want my former best-friend. 

"Go with them Hazza, I'm way to sleepy to walk to the driver right now, so please tell them to wait for about five minutes." I didn't realized I called him Hazza in my sleepy state of being until his eyes lit up and he says incredulously:

"You called me Hazza..." 

Shit, now I'm awake. I immediately start apologizing profusely:

"Shit Harry, sorry it slipped out. If you don't want me to call you that, please tell me know and I try to ban it" 

Harry's Pov:

I would really like to smile at Lou's nervous rambling but I'm still very much down because of yesterday. It was truly embarrassing and it still hurts immensely. It was embarrassing for me because they now know that my relationship is not the best and they know all my insecurities. I've always needed a few days to recover from all the true things she said and only a few days later it happens again.

I apparently zoned out a bit because the next thing I know is that Lou's snapping his finger in front of my face with an anxious expression on his face.

"If it's that bad, I will not call you that again. Please answer Haz- Harry. I can really try to not use it again. If it gives you flashbacks to things you don't want to have flashbacks to, then I will stop immediately and-" 

It seems like I really did worry him. 

"Lou, it's fine. I like that we are getting closer again and if you use this nickname then it brings me back to the old times and I like that, don't you worry. I'm just not really in the mood for smiling."

Shoot, I didn't want to say the last part... but I do feel really comfortable with Lou and want to share everything with him. Well, nearly everything. 

Innert seconds I'm being engulfed into a big hug. 

"I'm so sorry, Darling." I try to ignore the flutter in my stomach but it turns out to be pretty much impossible. "Please don't let it bring you down. Nothing she said is true, except that you truly look amazing. But we don't reduce you to that fact. Your personality is way more important and I think you're the kindest human being I've ever met. And please don't believe her that we want you for fame. You are our best friend. You see how much we bonded over just a couple of days and that's the reason why we met up again. Please Hazza. You're amazing. Inside and out."

In the middle of his little speech I started sobbing again. Out of happiness but also because of vulnerability. It's all too much. Of course I have friends, but to be comforted by Lou gets me to realize how bad it really is. I still don't know who to believe but his words sounded genuine. 

But so did Olivia's. 

He's still talking but I'm not listening anymore. I'm concentration on the sound of his soothing voice and on his hand that rubs my back in a loving motion. 

But what I don't expect is that he looks up at me and I have to take my face out of his hair, just to look into ocean blue eyes full of unshed tears. 

The last sentences he said are now truly getting through to me: 

"I'm so sorry for how I treated you in the past. I made you feel like shit just because I couldn't accept myself. I did stuff worse than Olivia and ignored and left you afterwards. I left you alone, hurt and insecure. I just want to tell you that I'm so proud of how you evolved. You got independent but you are still and incredibly humble and loving person. I admire you for everything you did and do." 

Everything he said touches me. I get a step closer to complete forgiveness, every day. This apology was heartwarming and absolutely heartbreaking at the same time because it brought back up a lot of unpleasant and painful memories. 

a short flashback:

I thought maybe you liked me? 

How dare you assume I'm gay? I kiss you because it's fun to see how you give in and I like to see the absolutely stupid Larry rumors. I would never kiss somebo-

end of flashback

I have to get these thoughts out of my head. They hurt and do the situation no good.

"Lou.." I know it's going to be hard for me to say this and it probably isn't the right moment to talk about such a topic, seeing as we are on a plane, in the middle of the night and our friends are waiting for us, but with some tears I may get trough it. 

"I don't know if you already noticed but I have not completely forgiven you..."

"I know and I deserve that and I was very surprised when we became friends again"

"Shush. Let me finish. I'm getting closer to complete forgiveness because you are being very considerate and always check if I'm comfortable. But I will never forget that it happened. It makes out a big part out of my life because it changed me. And I'm not going to hold back, it hurt so much Louis." By now I'm bawling again. "I was vulnerable and you left me. It was a big step for me and you didn't even care to look back."

I see that he has tears running down his cheeks and regret is written all over his face. But what breaks my heart is how he expresses the guilt. He lets go of me and just sits down with his hands in his hair and starts pulling it harshly. 

He finds release in letting himself experience pain.

This is something I know a lot too well.

I hope you liked it and please report all the mistakes you see <3

I just discovered that writing my stories on my laptop is way more comfortable. And the statistics are quite interesting. Anyways....

....have a nice morning/day/evening and good night to all of you little night owls <3

~Noëlle 

24.08.22