Try Hard // Mashton [5SOS]

3

"Sitting here at home, it's obvious. He's/She's so out of reach, and I'm finding it hard cause he/she makes me feel, makes me feel, like I try, like I try, like I'm trying too hard. Cause I'm not being me, and it's getting me down."

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Michael's p.o.v.

I groaned in frustration as I fell face first onto my bed. Why did I have to act so stupid around him? He makes me wanna be better than I am. Different than I am. I'm not confident and over-flirty and... and... That's just not me.

It's only obvious when I'm sitting here, at home and alone. It makes it more obvious that he's so far out of reach. It makes it more obvious that I'm just trying too hard. And it makes it so much more obvious that I'm not being me. And the latter is kind of getting me down. No, scratch 'the latter' and make it 'all of it'.

Why did he have to be so perfect and cute and perfect and- wait, I said perfect twice. Well, it only tells how perfect he is to me. He's everything I could dream of and more. That's how cliché it is.

I shouldn't try so hard. I should just be me. Be the awkward, cuddly and nice me, who doesn't always smile. Unless I'm near Ashton, as I learned today that that is his name. He just makes me so giddy inside.

But the main reason why I tried so hard to be someone I'm not, is because I feel like he wouldn't like the real me. He seems like a person who needs someone strong and confident. Someone who can take the lead and can protect him. And that's not me.

Sure I can fight off people, but I rather walk away than face the fight. I'd rather have someone fight for me or just protect me. Be there for me when needed. Which isn't that often, but more than I would like to admit.

Maybe I should try and be more myself the next time we meet. If there's going to be a next time, that is. I gave him my number, though he probably will only notice that when opening his contacts, so maybe I will get a text from him or something. But I guess I'm just trying to not get my hopes up. That way I'm less disappointed.

To be honest, I really wanted to see him again. I mean, I've seen him at school a few times and maybe dropping out wasn't the best idea, but I didn't see how school could help me. All I wanted to do was play guitar. I didn't sing a lot, but I didn't mind to sing while playing my guitar. Maybe I could get into a band one day.

The thought of finding a band to play with, in front of a lot of people, brought a small smile to my face. That would definitely be something I'd like. No, more like love.

The buzzing sound my phone made, interrupted all my thoughts. I picked it up from where I had thrown it on the bed earlier, seeing I had a text message. No way.

From: Unknown
You're sneaky. I guess this gives you my number as well... xAsh

I quickly saved his number in my phone under the name 'Ash', after deciding 'Ashy-bear' wasn't something I should use. Not yet at least.

To: Ash
Sorrynotsorry. How about I show you I can be good too? ;)

I couldn't help myself. I typed it after much consideration and after sending it, I realised how more confident I sounded in that text than I felt at that moment.

And Ashton taking ages to reply wasn't really helping. I shouldn't have sent that stupid text. I should've just gone with a simple 'I know, but now you have it anyway, how about another meetup?'. Because no way in hell I was calling this a date already. I like him, but who says he likes me too?

From: Ash
Alright. But is it like.. Is it a date?

My eyebrows rose as I read the new text, my heart doing leaps really fast as my stomach started to feel funny. Maybe he did feel the same way?

But if he did, then he liked the me that wasn't me. Woah, good job at confusing yourself there, Michael.

Then my phone buzzed again.

From: Ash
Omygod, I had the wrong idea, didn't I? I'm so sorry if I scared you off now. Jeez, I'm so stupid. Sorry

A fond smile made its way on my face, me biting my lower lip as I started to type a reply, trying not to laugh at the poor confused boy.

To: Ash
If you want it to be a date, I guess we could call it that. How about the same bench, tomorrow around 1PM? We could go for lunch?

I was still biting my lip after I had sent the text, trying to think whether I would have enough money to pay for both of us. I sure hoped so.

From: Ash
Yeah, sounds good. I'll see you then.

I smiled widely, completely forgetting about any problem I had, simply looking forward to tomorrow. I had a date. Me! A date!

It somehow made me want to play my guitar, so that's what I did, picking it up and strumming a random tune.

"He's so out of reach. And I'm finding it hard cause he makes me feel, makes me feel..."