Loathing: Lloyd Hansen

29.

• Lloyd Hansen. August twenty-first. 1:47 pm. Croatia •

Tw: physical assault/ child abuse

"LLOYD! Wheres Lloyd. Lloyd Hansen! Lloyd James where the fuck are you in this mansion?" I heard rowan scream. I got up from the couch. She found me, quickly coming over to me. She had tears in her eyes.

"Rowan. What's going on?" I asked.

"Here. Here oh my god." She said. She handed me an upside down pregnancy test. I turned it around.

Pregnant.

"Rowan!" I said. I pulled her up into a hug. She giggled.

"I didn't think I could do it I mean with the miscarriage. But I'm pregnant I took three tests and they all say the same thing." She said. I smiled.

"I'm so happy. I know you've always wanted this." I said softly. She smiled.

Deep down I wasn't that excited for this. This means that from now on I have to watch and make sure rowan is safe at all times, and even more when the baby comes.

I can't risk my wife getting hurt.

But I just wanted to see her happy.

I pulled away. She stared at me, her smile fading.

"You look like you wanna kill someone. It's your baby I promise." She said. I chuckled, resting my forehead against hers. She closed her eyes.

"I'm a tad nervous is all." I said.

"Don't be. We've got this." She said. She kissed me softly. I smiled in the kiss.

She pulled away and looked at me. "I love you." She whispered.

I smiled. "I love you too ro." I said.

• • •

That night I stayed up, looking at the ceiling. Rowan's body faced away from me as she slept.

I moved to my side and moved to spoon rowan. She stayed asleep. I was sort of happy. I didn't wanna talk.

I was gonna be a dad. I thought about my own.

"Lloyd!! Where are you! Little shit" I heard. "Where are the girls?" He screamed.

I stayed with my sisters in their room. They were both crying.

"Hey. Don't cry it's okay don't cry. He won't hurt you. He can hurt me but he won't lay a finger on you. I promise." I told them.

They nodded. They were curled up with each other on their bed.

I hated that they had to deal with this.

I heard my dads steps down the hallway.

"You! Either it's you or your sisters and I'm not fucking playing." He said.

"Okay. Please don't hurt them dad." I said as I stood up. He grabbed me by my hair and pulled me out of the room. I winced in pain as he brought me into the dining room. My mom was in the kitchen, cleaning up glass on the floor.

I knew what was gonna happen. He was going to beat me either with his belt, or with his hands.

"Say goodnight mom! I have a night with dad tonight!" He said. "Little father son bonding." He said.

I had tears in my eyes. My mom looked at me with pure fear.

"Goodnight mom." I said quietly in the doorway.

"Dean you don't have to hurt him to get your anger out. Please honey. Just go find a man you're hunting for. He does so much for this family I'm begging you-"

"SHUT UP! ITS NOT YOUR FUCKING CALL WOMAN!" He screamed, making me sigh. A shaky breath escaping my lungs.

And pretty soon I was out in the garage. Beat. Choked almost to death. Attacked. Anything he could to inflict pain on me until I was sobbing and begging for mercy. And then he left.

I went back inside hours later. My mom already with a bag of frozen peas.

"Thanks ma." I said quietly.

"Honey-"

"Save it. Please." I said.

"No. I just- I love you." She said.

I let out a shaky sigh. "I love you too. Are the girls okay?" I asked.

"Uhm. I think so." She said.

I nodded and set the bag on my black eye. "I'll go check on them."

"They shouldn't see you like this." She said.

"It's okay." I whispered.

I went into the bedroom. They were sitting on their separate beds.

"Hey." I said. Sasha ran over. She looked at me.

"Mom needs to stitch you up again."

"No. She's tired. She worked a sixteen hour shift and came home to this." I said.

"Lloyd." Sasha said.

"I'm okay. I'm just making sure you two are fine."

"Yeah. We were just gonna try and head to bed." Corrine said.

"Good. Well...goodnight girls." I said.

"Goodnight." They both said.

I walked out of the room and into my bedroom. The second I did, I burst into tears.

I sighed and moved onto my back again. Rowan shifted and ended up curling into me in her sleep. I stroked her hair.

"Lloyd, sleep." She said.

"I'm getting there." I said.

"Baby you've gotta let your body rest. I have melatonin." She whispered.

"Nah. I'm okay. I was asleep I just woke up from a...bad dream." I said.

"I can read you like no other. You didn't wake up from a bad dream. You've been up."

"I was just thinking." I said.

"Sweetie." She laughed.

"Yes. I'll go to bed." I said.

"Good. Goodnight." She said. I sighed. "Jesus you big baby come here." She said. She pulled me in so that I could rest my head on her chest. She kissed my head. I wrapped my arms around her.

"That's better." I whispered.

"Goodnight." She said.

"Goodnight."