The Vixen

Chapter 2 (Elena)

My heart is pounding in my chest as we approach my home. For days I have longed to go back – not just to my home and family, but to who I was before Thomas tricked me out of my innocence.

My anger rises, remembering how he made me care for him. I was flattered by his shows of affection, and he made me desire to please him. I used to cherish every whispered endearment and fleeting caress, but I feel sick when I recall them now.

We ride into the familiar street, and I direct Roland to my parents' home. I look down at my hands to avoid the eyes that follow us, unwilling to dwell on what my neighbors must think of me.

I turn my thoughts instead to Roland. If I had met him before, I might have been captivated by his kindness and handsomeness. I resolve that I will not be taken-in by him. I must look past his boyish features and muscular build, such as what I always imagined a desirable man would possess. I will make distrust my ally, knowing beneath his charm lies the cold heart all men share.

"It's this one." I can barely hear my own voice over the sound of my pounding heartbeat. I'll see my mother soon, my father. What will they say? "You have brought shame on your family! Get out of my sight!" The injustice of my father's words brings fresh tears. They have tormented me in the days since he spoke them, more so than even the hunger or fear I suffered.

Roland helps me down and leads me into the house. My parents are both surprised as the strange knight enters their home. When they see me, my mother's eyes fill with tears, but my father's narrow skeptically. I cling to Roland's arm as if he were a shield.

"My name is Roland of Canterbury. I belong to King Arthur's brotherhood of knights. I have come to announce my betrothal to your daughter, Elena."

They stare, speechless, so he finally asks, "You do not object?"

My father scowls at me, then answers Roland, "I can see that my daughter has deceived you, but I cannot. She has acted shamefully and..."

"There is no deception." Roland interrupts, his voice forceful. "None, except that which she fell into."

My father's eyes widen, then he shakes his head in disbelief. "You are a fool."

"Your daughter has charmed me, and I will have no other wife." This statement silences my father. I glance up and catch my mother's eye, and am met with a sad but proud smile. "Then, the match otherwise meets your approval?" My father simply nods, still stunned. "Good. The banns must be posted. I will make arrangements and return for the ceremony on the third Lord's day."

"No," my father steps forward, finding his voice. "She cannot stay here." My heart sinks. "Our other daughters must not be associated with her."

"Then she will join me with the company of knights," Roland decides.

"Her dowry will be prepared," my father assures him.

My mother steps toward me, but stops with a look from my father. "She will be well looked after, I swear to you," Roland assures her.

We depart, and I'm glad to flee my father's scorn. As we ride away, I keep expecting Roland to change his mind, or to reveal that he has lied about who he is. Surely, he's leading me to some secret location to have his way with me. Logic argues if that were his intention, he wouldn't have bothered to become promised to me. Perhaps he seeks my dowry? He did ensure I was of noble birth before taking an interest. I scold myself for caring what his intentions are, and try to put it from my mind.

Soon we ride into a clearing where many men, dressed similar to Roland, have already arrived. I feel self-conscious as the rowdy gathering quiets and the men turn their attention to us. It seems as though all eyes are on us as Roland leads the way to a man wearing a red cloak over his armor and bearing the coat of arms of King Arthur. Roland dismounts then helps me down. He takes my hand and approaches Arthur, who draws his sword and points it at Roland's chest. He freezes mid-step, caught off-guard, and Arthur demands, "What have you done to this woman? Where is your chivalry?" Without thinking, I step protectively in front of Roland before he can explain. "What is the meaning of this?" Arthur asks, sounding as surprised as I feel.

"Elena," Roland admonishes, drawing me away from Arthur's blade. "Arthur, Elena is my betrothed. I am to look after her until we return to be wed."

Arthur glances at me, still wary, then asks Roland, "But what have you done to the poor girl?" I lower my head, anticipating that he will disclose my shameful story.

He surprises me by saying, "I found a fox, ensnared by a poacher, and set it free."

His speech puzzles me, but Arthur nods his understanding and lowers his sword. "I ought to have known. But perhaps that was unwise."

"I knew it to be so," Roland answers, "but cared not."

Arthur's eyebrows raise at his comment. He recovers his surprise, then smiles and addresses me, "Lady Elena, you have won the admiration of our Roland. My men and I are at your service." He bows to me, smiling, and I bow in return then nod my thanks. I realize the interchange must have been about me, but still cannot make sense of their words.

Arthur leads us to where a dinner is being prepared over the fire. During the meal, Arthur rises to speak. I squirm uncomfortably as Arthur introduces me to the men, but Roland's posture is proud as he holds my hand. I'm relieved when Arthur moves on to other matters, discussing the business he settled in Caerleon and the plans for returning to Camelot.

My eyelids are getting heavy as the men continue to visit with each other around the fire. I touch Roland's arm to get his attention. He smiles sympathetically and leads me away to lay-out a bed of furs for me. I drift-off under the stars to the happy sounds of Arthur's men sharing tales.

The company is already preparing to depart when I wake in the morning. I ride in front of Roland on his horse just like before. It's difficult to balance side-saddle, but I find leaning against him makes the position more comfortable. He doesn't seem to mind, in fact his arm wraps around me to steady me. His closeness doesn't bother me as much as it did at first, when the memory of Thomas' unwanted touch was still fresh.

Now that it is clear Roland truly intends to marry me, other thoughts plague me. I know he'll expect to be intimate, but I have no intention of repeating the act I found so painful and shameful. I try to confess as much to him when we stop to rest, but my courage fails me. When we stop for the night, I draw Roland aside, determined to get the task out of the way. I'm nervous to approach the subject, and he must read the anxiety in my expression.

He holds my hands to stay my nervous fidgeting. "What troubles you?" He asks, concerned.

"I do not wish to deceive you," his eyes narrow, but I continue quickly, "I must tell you that I will not be able to do for you as a husband would expect from his wife."

His eyebrows raise at me. "And what is it that I expect of you?" he asks innocently. I wince. I'd hoped he'd understand without my having to say the words.

"To-" I shudder, just thinking about it. "To bear sons," I say, hoping this is enough of a hint at my real inhibition.

"How could you know whether you are barren?" he asks, confusion written on his face.

"I don't, it's not that. But I won't..." I blush and exhale in frustration, then try again. "I'll be your wife," I explain finally, "but only live with you as a sister." His face turns red, and I know he understands me now.

"No! That is wrong." I shrink away from his angry reaction, but his hands still hold mine and he draws me back to him. "I will not agree to such an arrangement."

I try to pull free, but he does not loosen his grip. "I thought you would not hurt me." I accuse. "How could you force me to...?" I stop, tears making further speech impossible.

"Sh, it will not be that way." His voice is gentle now. He releases my hands to hold my face, his calloused thumbs wiping away my tears. "Elena." He lifts my chin, and when I meet his gaze he says, "I will never force you." His eyes hold mine, imploring me to believe his words. "We'll wait until you've healed from the man who hurt you." I nod silently, not trusting my voice. "And, Elena, it shouldn't-" he hesitates and his cheeks flush, then he exhales and says softly, "it's meant to be pleasurable." I wince again, doubtful. "When it's time, you'll see." I'm too embarrassed to look at him, so I step close and rest my head on his chest to hide my face. He wraps his arms around my shoulders. "I won't rush you." He assures me, stroking my hair.