All Tyla Hemmings wanted to do, was to finish high school, go to college and perhaps get married to her best friend, and boyfriend, Colton Adams. But all of that changes when she unexpectedly meets a handsome stranger one afternoon, and a serial go...
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Laying on my bed, I stare at the clock. I should be leaving now. I should be driving, but I can't find the strength to get up. Everything around me is exactly as I would have wanted, was it a couple months ago. But now... now it breaks my heart. Our wedding photos hang on the wall, reminding me of something that I can never have. A tear rolls down my cheek, as I clutch her wedding ring in my hand. I'm supposed to be going to her funeral now. I should be preparing to give a speech about my wife, but how can I? How can I stand there, in front of everyone and talk about her when she's dead because of me. She sacrificed herself, for me.
"Alexander. Get up, we need to go." My mother's soft voice notifies. I look up at her, something snapping in me.
"Never call me that mom. I... I never want to hear that name again." I say harshly, but my voice cracks as the tears continue to fall. She's not here to call me that, so no one is allowed to. I don't want to hear my name from anyone's lips but hers.
"Oh honey. I'm so sorry." She whispers, pulling me up into her arms. She's gone. They're gone forever. I can never get them back. I lost her before I even truly had her. My mother and I stay like that for what feels like an eternity. How do I live without the very person who gave me purpose? How do I live without the person who was supposed to grow old with me? My mother pulls me up from my bed, practically dragging me across my room. Images fill my mind of Tyla's screams and shouts. Her pleas as he... Why couldn't they have come sooner? I should have done more. It's my fault. I think, blaming myself for not being able to save her in time.
My mother starts the shower, and lightly shoves me in its direction, motioning that I have 5 minutes to shower and get out before she comes back in. I understand why she's being the way she is. I guess, this is her way of coping with the loss of her daughter in law. I haven't seen much of Jesse. My mother said that he too isn't taking her death easy, especially considering how close they became in my absence. I hate to admit it, but I feel a raging jealousy over the time that he got to spend with her even when I know it wasn't romantic in any way.
I remember watching her emerge from Jasper's hall, into the living room wearing one of my shirts the first time she stayed over there. She looked like she was going through hell, but yet, my breath caught in my throat at her beauty. She never stopped being the most beautiful girl in the world, even when she was lying in my arms, muttering her final words. No woman can ever compare to her. I will never be able to love anyone the way I love her and I don't want to. I never want to love again.
I strip my body of my clothes, getting into the shower. Everything since her death a week ago has been forced. Nothing comes easy anymore. Especially breathing. Who knew I would have trouble breathing without her in my life? The psychiatrist told me that I have severe anxiety and ptsd, but honestly, I don't even care. I haven't been taking the medication prescribed to me. I don't want this pain to go away. I don't want it to become easy to breathe without her again. This is my fault. She saved me, sacrificing not only herself but also... I deserve this. I'm the reason they're dead.
