Only for the notes

Older and Older

All in a days work
of being the eldest daughter
Not being able to cry
Even when you fall
Wanting to scrub away your skin
Till you see red
Remembering every footstep
To just feel protected
Seeing fear cause it's the only thing
You've ever known
Feeling as tho pain
Is all you crave
Having to train your brain
To observe then act
Slowly breaking your tether to
Your true self
Wanting to mother
Anything that breathes
The way you were never loved
Wanting to touch
Children's hearts
The way yours was torn
Always feeling the need to help
Others the way
You were neglected
Not seeing things
For what they truly are
But what you only wish for them to be
Precieving happiness with dark
And light with disgust
Thinking mother never loved you
Because she treats you
How she treats her self
Not know that mother is her own
Worst Enemy
Holding the weight of
Your families
Trauma on your back
Knowing that it's so damn heavy
But where else would you put it
Know no one else could
Carry it
Except you
Feeling the ground below you
Wither away
As if
It's not all you've ever known
Never given love freely as a child
So you always think
Love has to be bought or earned
Because you were taught nothing in this world comes for free
What a lesson
For a lonely, broken child
All in a days work of being
The eldest
Daughter