Best of Both Worlds

Chapter Twenty-eight

Beep...Beep... Beep...

I stirred awake and opened my eyes to high white ceilings. My muscles felt sore yet relaxed and I noticed I was in a private hospital room. I looked away from the IV line in my hand and turned my head to the side. I found Nicholas seated on the small sofa with the baby clothed and in his arms. He was watching the baby with profound amazement and hadn't realized I'd woken up.

I took advantage of the upper hand and took in his appearance. We hadn't seen each other in over a week and he'd grown out his stubble a bit more. He had the sleeves of his forest green woollen shirt pushed past his forearms and the baby tucked in his left arm. His right arm scratched the material of his light ash jeans. He lifted his eyes from the baby and met with mine.

My heart skipped a beat at the eye contact. I hadn't thought about what we would say to each other when the baby was born. Everything had happened so fast so I hadn't processed what my countenance towards him should be. He stood to his feet and placed the baby in the cot provided by the hospital.

He moistened his lips and took hesitant steps towards my bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," my voice came out hoarse and my throat felt dry. I swallowed hard and tried again. "Tired but fine. Can I get some water?"

"Yeah, sure. Of course," he walked towards my hospital bag and pulled out my personal water bottle.

I tried to push myself to a sitting position. Nicholas rushed to my side and helped raise the top of the bed so my upper half came up. "Thank you," I mumbled as I took the water bottle and sipped it.

He sighed and ran a hand across his face and stopped right on his jaw. "I can never express how sorry I am enough. I'm sorry for that night. I'm sorry for lying to you. I'm sorry for not being by your side to hold your hand during the birth. When I got the call about what had happened, I couldn't think straight. I don't know what I'll do if I lost both of you, my life would have literally ended. I'm just so sorry" his voice cracked as he spoke and I could see him fighting back the tears.

I nodded. "I know you are . . . and I forgive you" I moistened my lips and swallowed past the hot emotions that bubbled up in my throat. "But, I don't think I can move past it. The only relationship that can exist between us now is being parents to the baby"

He folded his lips back and nodded. "I understand"

The baby let out a small cry of discomfort and stirred in his sleep. We turned to him and watched to see if he'd settle down. He released a long piercing cry and his lips trembled as he wailed his tiny arms.

"I think he's hungry, could you?" I said, gesturing towards the baby.

"Yeah, sure" he walked over to the cot and took his time to lift the baby.

I untied the ropes of my hospital gown as I waited for the baby to be brought to me. Once Nicholas placed him in my arms, he excused himself to let everyone waiting outside know I was awake. I caressed the side of my baby's face as he suckled on me. His eyes fluttered open and stared up at me with grey orbs for a few seconds. My heart warmed up just looking at him.

Once I was done breastfeeding, I placed the baby against my chest and patted his back till he burped. I cradled him in the crook of my arms and rocked back and forth. I placed a finger in his clenched fist and his little hands held onto it tightly. He was the love of my life.

A knock on the door pulled my eyes away from the baby. Whitney poked her head through the doorway, a small smile appeared on her lips as she met my gaze. She progressed into the room and stood by the side of the bed.

"Hey," she whispered and peeked at the baby. Her smile deepened. " Awn, he's so small and cute. Oh my God, he's such a beautiful baby"

"Thank you," I whispered as well. He jerked and flailed his arm then settled down. "Do you want to hold him?"