Best of Both Worlds

Chapter Twenty-nine

I peered into the baby's car seat, taking note of his peaceful sleeping form, for the fourth time in the span of the car ride. We'd just been discharged from the hospital and were commuting to Nicholas's place.

As I relaxed into my seat, my eyes darted to the side mirror, catching a glance at Nicholas in the driver's seat. His eyes were on the road ahead and despite the free road, he maintained a steady speed – not so fast and not painstakingly slow. He had his right hand on the steering and his left elbow rested on the pane of the window, his fingers lightly grazing his chin.

His brows furrowed and flexed as his eyes lifted to the rearview mirror and then shifted to his side mirror. It took a second for me to realize his gaze had landed on me. I averted my eyes to the receding buildings on the side of the road as my stomach tensed up and my heart rate peaked for a quick moment. I fought to keep my eyes on the road, ignoring the feeling of his eyes on me and the gnawing urge to meet them.

This wasn't exactly the break-up I'd imagined we'd be having. Nothing about us adhered to the norms – pregnancy before a relationship, and now, living together despite being broken up. I may have called off our budding relationship but my heart still yearned for him – quickening when he's around and plunging when he's not. I couldn't even handle being within arm's reach from him, so I'd settled for the backseat – even though I'd agreed to share a living space with him.

Without intending to, I'd let myself grow attached and accustomed to having him around but all that had to change. I needed to revert to the original plan and reprogram myself to function without him being front and centre of my world.

I knew it would be difficult doing that whilst living in his house but I was going to try my hardest. The current situation called for this impossible arrangement so I'd have to brace up and navigate my way through. I wasn't sure how many awkward situations living together would deposit us into but I was ready to hold out till I could get my own place and find my footing.

My own place ...

I released an inaudible sigh as I perched my elbow against the window pane and rested my cheek against my loosely fisted knuckles. I'd never once considered moving out of my apartment and into a new place. It wasn't in my original plan, nor a part of my long-term financial budget but I was a mother now and the situation was different.

Regardless of the initial reason I'd moved out of the apartment, I couldn't have my son growing up in that place. I also couldn't keep living with Whitney forever, especially with a child. She was the most understanding friend I could ever ask for but she also had her own life to live. Plus, the space was already compact at the moment, and in a few years with a growing toddler, it could feel even smaller.

A new apartment would definitely push back my goals further but it needed to be done. It would replace the student loans on my mental goal progress board. Back to square one. Thankfully, I didn't have to worry about that right now.

The car rolled to a stop in his driveway. He glanced back at the baby, as he unstrapped his seatbelt. "I'll bring him in,"

I parted my lips to refuse, but the words drowned out at the back of my throat as his eyes shifted to me. I pushed open the car door and picked up my hospital bag on my way out. I gritted my teeth as a dull streak of pain passed through me at the bare movement.

"Leave the bag," Nick caught onto the strap of the bag but I held it back before he could pull it off my shoulder.

"I can manage," I hiked the strap on my shoulder and blocked the bag with my arm. "Focus on the baby,"

I didn't wait for his response and barely made eye contact before trudging towards the front door. I blew out a short breath of air as I stopped before the door and punched in the security code. The last time I'd walked through this door, I'd overheard a conversation that reset the dynamics of my relationship. Well, that's in the past now. With drooping shoulders, I pushed open the door and barely took two steps into the house before being startled by a harmonized, soft-toned 'Welcome home'.