Drizzlinglights

Used to have

Shimmering stars above, can't help stop thinking of you.
You simply walked into my walls.
The gates, how could it be that you unlock them with a simple smile?

I wonder how is it that you became my comfort.
My journal to tell all my secrets.
All my ambitions, desires, worry's and insecurities.

It terrifies me how much information I gave you.
By all the trust I have handed to you.

And now I find myself lying to you.
Fearing at the interpretation of you eyes.
Fearing that you will perceive my intentions the wrong way.
To find yourself believing a lies, simple rumor of mine, a rumor I have thought about endlessly.

Nothing is true, studying my behavior, my desires and my mind, there is no bad intentions.
I truly love you, my affection towards you is deeper than a relationship.
My curiosity towards you grows bigger, I want to know all the stored files in that office you have inside your head.
I want to get your trust, your affection, your laugh.

Your friendship.

I want to be your friend.
As simple as it my sound I believe is deeper than a momentum driven relationship. With all its lies, small moments, big moments, fights and laughs. I don't desire you I desire your soul, someone I could talk to all night with no tension.
No sensual troches no heavy breaths.
I want to hug you all night as I release all my worries.

My desires are simple but immensely hard to obtain.
Now I find myself watching the stars speaking my worries imagining that I'm talking to you.

Scare of the view you may have in me.
I find myself distancing myself from you.
I apologize by the lonely feelings I may have caused.
I feel them heavy on my chest, every glance every thought remains me of what we where building.
With my face staring at my feet I walk though life as an preprogrammed lifeless being.

Silently I being suffering as I walk pass you.
Trust me it wasn't an act of yours that caused this treatment.
Lonely I have imagined scenarios to see you again.
All ending in failure, how frustrating why did you have to get so deep I don't think I will ever be able to go back.

My lonely eyes stare at you with guilt.
How could it be that you depend on me as I depend on you.
I want to see that smile again. My hope of going back into the past and not to ruin our friendship flashes in front of my eyes.

But then he came, my worries faded as I see your smile.
That smile that once was mine was in a better person.
Let him love you as I do.
I beg you.