Drizzlinglights

I wish I knew

I have that moment on repeat. How our eyes meet, how the faded window light hit your eyes.
Making them seem so dreamy.
So beautifully, perfect.

How the realization hit me.
As a hit to my stomach.
How wings of small majestic insects flutter inside of me.

How a deep desire grow inside of me.
I wanted you close.
I wanted to know the feeling of our hands together.
I wanted to see those eyes of yours for all eternity.

How its light brown, became my favorite color.

I want to be next to you.
In all your failures, in all your accomplishments.
All your ugly crying, all your happy tears.
To see your perfectly long eyelashes wet from tears of happiness. How you would reach for my comfort.

I want to know how you arms feel around me.
How your genuine smile looks. How the wrinkles of your eyes apear.
How your dimples would be shown.

But it was all an ilusión. A small movie played in my head.
Those eyes that connected with mine didn't feel the same feeling. How I didn't realize that your lips made a frown as I was in you eyesight.

I wish I knew what I did to make you view me as repulsive. Which of my innocent actions to get close to you.
Made you so resentful of me.

I wish I knew what action made you realized that I felt something for you.
What did I do that made you planed my downfall.

Wish I knew how you drag me to gain your trust.
To tell you my secrets.
To used them against me.

I wish I knew why you smile every time I was in pain.
I wish I knew why it was so fun to mess with me.
Wish I know the pleasure of seeing how someone slowly drowns.
In the laughter and judgement of others.