It's Not That Complicated (Steddie)

Hopeful

TW: gr00ming, touching without consent, death, guns

Steve awoke with a jolt, then remembering Eddie had his arms wrapped around him. Thankfully, he had gone into a somewhat starfish pose unconsciously. 

"Eddie. Eddie!" Steve shook him to get him to wake up. 10:30 in the morning, Jesus. 

Eddie groaned and rolled around. "Wassup?" Steve rolled his eyes and pointed to the clock, which Eddie shrugged off and put his hand to his head. "God that's a terrible headache. Fill me in on last night?" Which Steve did just that; he added every little detail he could remember, including the frog, which Eddie laughed hysterically at for a straight 3 minutes.

"And you put your arms around me like I was a huge plushie." Steve chuckled at the thought, and he thought Eddie would laugh but instead he quieted down and fiddled with his hair. 

"..Did I touch a nerve or something?" Steve asked, wondering what he had said wrong. Eddie shook his head quickly, still not saying anything. "Did anything, like, bad happen? You don't have to tell me it's just that, I wanna know abou-"

"I'll tell you." Eddie looked up. "But it's only because I'm pretty sure I can trust you. Hopefully I'm not fucking this all up." Steve looked at Eddie and sat patiently. 

"I was 14. 

My dad never really cared much where I went. My mom was usually.. asleep. When I was 14 I thought that was pretty metal. Jokes on me, it wasn't. So instead of going to the stupid amusement park downtown, I chose to go to the goddamn park. I sat down and started looking for something to do, but not before an older man came up to me and told me, 'Beautiful day, isn't it?' Yeah, it really was. That's what I said. 'Just like you, kid, you're going to go far.'

'Really?'

'Hell yeah, you could model! You've got it all, the figure, the nose, eyes, smile. Lips.'

'Eh. I'd rather be in a band! They're so metal.'

'And I'd bet you'd look pretty cute doing that.'

'Thanks..?'

'Just call me Mike.'

'Thanks Mike!' 

'What's your name, young one?'

'Eddie. You're not going to kidnap me or anything now, right?' 

'Haha! No, no, I would never. It would be a shame to do that to such a pretty face like yours!'

He gained my trust. I thought he was cool, pretty metal. He was confident, charming, and handsome. Things I wanted to be when I grew up. We would go fishing, go on hikes and walks together. Nothing weird happened. Maybe if my dad would have noticed, none of this shit would have happened. Or maybe it's all my fault. Who knows? Then, one day when we were hiking, he sat me down on a bench. I thought we were resting. He put his hand on my neck and slowly went down my shirt. I jumped up, but I couldn't do anything.

'What the fuck?'

'Oh, Eddie, I'm so sorry! My hand slipped. Please forgive me.' 

So I did. He did it again. And again. And I couldn't do anything. I felt useless. I couldn't stop it. My parents didn't care. They didn't even know where I was. All I could do was just let him touch me. Finally, I had enough.

We were going to a shooting range. I had mentioned I didn't know how to shoot a gun, and he recommended taking me there to practice. Once we were there, he went for the big guns. Literally. Ones I could barely hold. After months of this bullshit, I was done. Once we practiced a couple times he went straight to the touching. I grabbed the gun and I shot him. I didn't think it would kill him.

I went to juvie for two years, since they ruled it out as self defense somehow. I still can't believe I got out of it. And I always feel so terrible inside. I feel like I'm a monster, or that I never deserved to get out of juvie. I should have been locked up there for life, Steve. I wasn't innocent. I'm never innocent."

Eddie broke down in tears and Steve dove in to hug him. "Eddie, you aren't the bad guy here. Okay? You aren't the bad guy. You are worth so much more then what that bitch told you. He took advantage of you. You were young. Nobody would listen. You are not the bad guy." 

A/N

Hey ya'll! Just wanna add a little something.

I've actually been through grooming. It was virtual, but here's my story.

I was chilling with my friends at school. Having an overall good time. When I got a message on my school's computer from my friend's gmail.

"Hey sexy"

I asked her if she wrote this. Obviously she didn't. We laughed about it, thinking it would be the end of that. Honestly, I felt happy somebody was calling me pretty, even if they didn't know what I looked like. The next day rolled around and I got more. And more.

"Nice boobs"

"Hey, you want to play around in bed?"

"Hey sexy, come here"

"Fuck me please"

I got super uncomfortable, obviously. I deleted the chats and told my friends about it. I was the main target, apparently, because my friend's had only gotten one or two. It was a hacker. I was confused; why would they choose me? They didn't even know me. I was very uncomfortable and just grossed out. It escalated even more. The fucked up thing? I was uncomfortable but I just wanted to see them. To laugh at them. To get compliments, to laugh at something I could genuinely laugh at while fucking dying inside.

Finally it was too much. We had already gotten the principal in on this, and the police too, but for some stupid ass reason they couldn't find the culprit. They got my phone number. They got my friend's phone number. They got addresses. I cried in class. I freaked out. Panic attack. Sobbing, hyperventilating. We went to the teacher to ask if we could tell the principal.

He was a dick.

He blamed my friend, asked us how it was possible, that people hacked into the system? He laughed at us, made us feel stupid and it was like something inside me burst. I wanted to scream, I wanted to yell, I wanted to tear the place down to the fucking ground. All I could do was cry. He was the devil in disguise. He mocked us, and made us feel like we were wrong, we were IN the wrong. It finally ended. When it ended I was.. sad. Disappointed. No more compliments. Nothing more. I was fucked up in the head. I could have stopped it. I shouldn't have liked it. I should have been more mature. 

It led me to have trouble with my eating. It's like a disgusting part of me now. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate them. The disgusting moron behind the screen, whoever they are FUCK YOU. Fuck you. And my teacher, fucking bitch. The damn devil in disguise. Fuck all of you.  

Maybe it wasn't even grooming. Maybe it was all in my mind, maybe it was just them sexualizing me, getting a laugh. Maybe I'm just stupid and over exaggerating. I constantly question myself. Maybe everything was a stupid prank. Maybe it was all fake. Maybe, again, it wasn't even grooming.